24 hour delayed flight

So, I'm in the airport again. lol. It's currently 1.37am Malaysian time. I'm in the Singapore airport. Funny how I only get Internet access in airports. Anywho, this was our plan Malaysia>Singapore>Japan (Hokkaido)>Japan (tokyo). Problem? Our flight to Singapore got delayed and now we have to spend a day here instead of the 3 hours or so. Okay that was last night. Had to leave to the airport. lol. We got to the hotel room at like 3.00am. All my aunt's and uncle's were very dissatisfied. Because we were supposed to be at Japan right now. At a really expensive 5 star hotel. (thanks to me grandfather) So technically, MAS airlines should have compensated for all of this lost time and joy. To make things worse, Aunty Nancy's family already got on the flight to Japan and are there now... So when we got to the hotel room, we were so tired that we just plonked ourselves wherever and grabbed whatever (bathrobe) and just slept. Funny, I was quite happy because I was still spending time with everyone and BUFFET BREAKFAST this morning. But still. All the MAS staff have been lying a whole lot to save themselves money. Hellooo, customer service! I'm slightly blur so if this whole thing doesn't make sense. Then. Well. I'll explain it later. Hehe. Stuffed to the brim with buffet breakfast. Erica

Airport

Right now,

It's exactly 1.30am. On the 17th of December. I'm at the airport on the way to Malaysia. My eyes are a little watery from the tiredness, but the lights are bright. I think that they're designed to keep you awake. lol. Okay I'm rambling.

Anyways, the guy at the desk who was checking if our faces matched our passport faces seemed slightly irritated. He didn't really show it. I'd like to think that I was good at reading his expression and body language. Buuuut I might be completely wrong. Meh.

I'm just talking about random stuff right now. So. Yeah. This computer has a nice keyboard. It feels nice to type and has a nice sound and the right resistance when you type on it. :D Oh gosh. I'm reeeaaally random right now. Oh, did I mention the mouse is sort of rectangular?

Uh oh. Mum just called. Gotta run.

MALAYSIA HERE I COME!

TimTan

Wondering

Ok. Fine.

So I’m selfish. A freaking selfish little brat who thinks about no one but herself and what she herself is going through. Me me me me mememememememeME.

Ugh. MY thoughts. MY feelings. MY problems. But what do you expect me to do? Huh? I’m not God okay. I’m not perfect. I have flaws. Endless flaws.

And now my sister wouldn’t even care if I died. Oh but then that’s about me too. The world seems to revolve around me these days.

Oh and funny how not too long ago, that same sister was jealous because she thought I was perfect. Popular. Pretty. No wait. That makes sense. Of course she would want me dead. Sad thing is, none of the things she was jealous of were true. All just twisted because of her own low self esteem of herself.

She thinks no one cares too. That’s probably part of it. The self esteem thing, I mean. Gosh, how ironic. I was always the one that was jealous of her. She has always been and still is the pretty one. The one with a best best best friend forever as well as many others. And the one that was always oh-so happy.

This family is so stuffed up it isn’t even funny. Everyone’s going crazy. But then it’ll all be fine again tomorrow morning. Only to repeat itself.

The screaming. The fighting. You know, it’s always been only verbal fighting. But I guess not anymore. What happened to the happy people in those photos of us in Malaysia? The photos we were looking at just, huh, a few hours ago. So much can change in a mere 3 hours.

Trying not to think it, but I can’t help it.

What would happen if I really died? I really want to know. Would it even make a difference?

Oh it’s hilarious. You should see me when I’m bawling my eyes out. My nose goes extremely pink.

With an extremely pink nose, Erica

Btw, this was last night.

God's Sense of Humour

Oh gosh. God, you really do have a sense of humour... SO ironic. Hilariously ironic actually. So, this is what happened. We were playing Poker as a family. And I was losing. Like horribly. I actually completely lost all my chips and had to get a new set of chips because I was getting bored and I wanted to play. For the entire game, I didn't win even one game. And then, at the end, when I was about to lose all my chips again, I was like what the heck and went all in. Everyone else also went all in after a few cards came out. I won. All of it. LOL. I had 5 spades, Jonathan had a triple 3, and Dad had 2 doubles. So for the whole entire game, I didn't even win ONE round. But the one round I did win was the last one. When everything was at stake. Okay, so it might not sound as a big a deal when you type it all out and read. It's one of those things you really have to experience. Maybe God's trying to tell me that my sometimes seemingly sucky life is just a small part. And I'll win it all back, and more. Perspective. Maybe. Erica

Non-class Programs

So, Today was an interesting, out-of-the-ordinary day. In the morning we did Aqua Aerobics (erh. not great. was not in the mood for swimming. but then again, i never am..) and then Self Defence. :D It was fun. He was telling us how our best defence weapon is our brain. And our body weapons are only our last resort. Anyways, we had to say 'KIAI' as we threw our kicks and palms (they weren't punches). And now I reeeally want to try it on an actual person.. Hip Hop was fun too. :D And finally, we went to an Elderly Home to entertain them for about half an hour. As a form. We did the Grinch! And sang Christmas Carols. My heart tweaked slightly when I saw them. They looked so old and vulnerable.. At least we brought a smile to a few here and there. I don't want to grow old. o.o Hey, it's a 'what happened' post, instead of a 'thinking too much' post. I used to have a lot more 'what happened' posts compared to 'thinking too much' posts. Wonder what changed.. TimTan

Fairness?

Life, Is not fair. Think about it. I have so many reasons to base this statement on. Here's one of them. The horribly unfortunate fact that the person who cares less holds the power in a relationship. How unfair is that? The other who doesn't care as much has the power to do whatever because they know the... Okay this is too confusing. Let me start again. Let's say A is the person who cares more and B is the one who cares less. By the way, this is all hypothetical. A has the power to do whatever they want because they know B will do anything for them. B is vulnerable to being taken advantage of and the worse thing is, they know it and don't care. I repeat, how unfair is that? Blah, Me.

Sorry.

Sorry. That was too much. I went overboard. I was angry, frustrated, mad. But you have to admit that I have valid points. Sometimes I wish everyone could just read everyone'e mind. No lies. no secrets. no misunderstandings.

freak. freak. freak. freak. freak. freak. freak. WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM?!?!?! OVER A FREAKING PIECE OF FREAKING TOFU YOU MADE FREAKING MUM CRY. just think about what you just did. THINK ABOUT IT. what happened to you? seriously. SERIOUSLY? THE WORLD DOESN'T FREAKING REVOLVE AROUND YOU! everything is everyone else's fault. everything is against you. WAKE FREAKING UP AND SEE WHAT THE FREAK HAS HAPPENED TO YOU. Your just tearing apart the WHOLE freaking family all because you want to FREAKING STAY SKINNY. WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM?! can you not see what your doing to everyone? AND EATING WITH THE NURSE? gosh seriously. SERIOUSLY? can't you see how childish you're being? making such a big deal out of NOTHING? and is your mind so distorted that you can't even see that if you just. just acted normal. got over it. didn't make is such a big fuss. didn't get so emotional about something so trivial. that maybe, oh i don't know, they would see that you were NORMAL again and you wouldn't have to do it anymore? or at least see that it's not in their power to do it. it's the freaking school. they want to kick you out if you don't eat with the nurse? guess what? they can do it. so get freaking over it. and think about it. logically it's not that bad, eating with the nurse. you just cram it all down your throat and then you can go do whatever you want with your friends. obviously the problem is somewhere else. you go figure out what the problem is. your smart. or at least you used to be.

Sundayy.

Yesterday, Was interesting. Firstly, we went to Mum's aunt's birthday lunch at Gold Leaf (Yum Cha). Yum. :D Then, to Harry's house. And we played a game that was kinda like Taboo. It was. Well, we're kinda the second cousins so we don't know them as well. Slightly out of it and awkward, but bearable. And omgsh. CAKE. Flourless chocolate, white choc raspberry mud and cheesecake. Yes 3 cakes. Oh then I went the the ROAR 56ers get-together. It was funner (is that a word?) and less awkward than I expected! I think it was partly because Eugena wasn't there. I'm not saying anything bad about her. But she intimidates me. Because she's clique-y, I think. Clique-y people and me just don't go together. Btw, it was bowling at the Glen. I learnt that... I am actually really bad at bowling. The ball went into the gutters the first 2 times. And more... Albert and Joy attempted to teach me. It helped! But... Yeah, bowling, not my thing. BUT it was still fun. Albert kept reminding me to roll STRAIGHT. The obvious thing to do, but it is actually hard. And we exchanged gifts. :D I got a paper rose with a MINI BIBLE. OMGSH! It was SOO CUTE! And that's it. Erica

Irrational Beings

You know, It’s funny. Us human beings. We are kinda horrible.

Say someone is negative. It’s just who that person is. We judge them and call them depressing, or boring. Then if they try to change who they are just to please everyone, we judge them yet again. We say that they should just be who they really are and not pretend all the time because it’s pretty much like lying. How ridiculous is that?

Btw, that was a hypothetical situation.

Another one, we’re wired to want to belong. We do whatever it takes for even a moment of belonging. at home. at school. amongst friends. Constantly moulding ourselves so we can fit into whatever it is we want to fit into. Until eventually, we don’t even know what happened to our true selves. In a sense, we become who we wanted to be. But we’re STILL not happy. Because ee want to just be and belong and not have to change to belong.

Okay. I’m rambling.

Point of post? Human’s are irrational beings. Me.

City Outlook

So, I just wanted to start with that quote. Anyways, I'm starting to get a teeny bit sick of the city. All the walking. And I'm hungry more. o.o Urban Seed was. Though provoking. About homelessness, drug addicts and what the church is doing about it. Oh, I walked into a pole yesterday. Oh, and Belgian waffles are da bomb. Oh, interesting event: Jessie reeeally needed to go to the toilet. We asked a nearby guy in a cafe. He looked slightly creepy looking and had an accent. He said, 'Go down past the coffee shop and you'll see a black door. The code is **** (I can't remember it).' We're like. Okay... So we walked and we saw a black door with unauthorised access prohibited. It look aged and kinda scary. Jessie typed in the code. It was a stairway going downwards into who knows where. Like those in horror movies. Just before some girl screams, "DON'T GO IN THERE!" So, we... Didn't go in. Hehe. It was probably just some staff toilet. But still, we'll never know... That's all for today. Erica

Contemplativeness

Hm, I'm not afraid of dying. Rather, I'm afraid that no one would care if I did. I think that's why I try so hard sometimes. I think I've said before that I'm a people pleaser. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. It depends. Anyway, that was a thought that ran through my head quite a while ago. So I'm not very up-to-date. Probably because of my maths exam which because OVERR on friday. :) Extreme relief. I think I've changed. Since Malaysia. Since Year 7. Just since. I used to be so innocent, young, ignorant and I was happy that way. I never thought or cared a thing about what people thought of me. Okay, so maybe when someone said something I'd feel hurt or whatever, but I'd just forget about it. Now, I don't know. Do you think I've changed? I really want to ask that question to someone who's known me since I was a little girl. But obviously not my family. Because you know how when you see someone everyday, the change is so gradual you don't notice? Yeah, that would be a slight problem. I'm not sure if I changed for the better or for the worse. My accent. My thoughts. My feelings. My likes and dislikes. My mannerisms? Meh. Contemplating things make me get to know myself better I guess. Erica

Retreat.

In the Bible, There's one part that says something about slapping. It says if someone slaps your cheek, turn the other one for him to slap. It's not in those exact words, but the meaning is pretty much that. So I got slapped today. Twice. But it was too fast for me to even do anything about it. I didn't turn my other cheek. Rather, I burst into tears and retreated to a corner. Unable to do anything but let out a string of uncontrollable sobs. That is so typical me. I don't fight back. Instead, I retreat into the nearest corner. Fight or flight. I choose flight. Not taking revenge is good, I guess. But I don't stay either. I don't say and put a smile and say I forgive you. And truly mean it. I'm sure that's what Jesus would have done. Okay, he was perfect. But still. Of all things, I retreat. Ugh. Feeling the aftermath of another emotional attack. Me.

What happened?

I want my sister back. Please.

Vicky's Party

Last night, Was fun. :) It was Vicky's birthday party at Camberwell at Sophia's. So first, in the morning, Viv and I went to Camberwell Market. There were heaps and heaps of really interesting bits and pieces. And really cheap stuff. (OMGSH! I guess it counts as shopping.) I bought 2 rings for $2 and a pair of earrings for 50c. Heehee. One of the rings was just a plain silver band. Just what I was looking for. Then, off to Viv's house! We took like a whole heap of random photos in her garden. lol. But it was fun. :D And and we called Jessie and pranked her (ish). But we told her later that night. Oh, and we played some Maplestory too. xD At Sofia's There was a MASSIVE pile of food. 2 pastas, 2 huge pizzas, salad, calamari thing, garlic bread and chips. SO much food. :D And then came the cake. Which was also biiiig. But yummy. We were all civilized-ly (? opposite of barbaricly. is that even a word?) fighting over the fruits. Though I gave Kate my red cherries. Ew. Truth or Dare (More like Dare or Dare) I was the first competitor. Me: What's *laugh* cookin', good lookin' *laugh* Chef: *smiles* How are ya? Me: Goooood... *runs away* SO extremely embarassing. But it was fun. :) Later on was worse. Waiter: So, I heard you asked out the chef. Me: Ehem. *Hides* Waiter: Did you ask for his number? Me: *laugh, hide* Hahaha. Christina got dared to do the chicken dance in the middle of the restaurant. And then Vicky had to go clean up a random empty table. And the a double dare! Vicky and I had to go in front of this painting of this woman and act like she was our idol. We were bouncing up and down and laughing like crazy. And acting like we were extremely excited about seeing her and getting Viv to take a photo of us with her. People were actually staring at us. But it was fun. hahhaha. An overview of the night's events.

• photos.
• dares.
• food.
• laughter.

My friends and I. We are awesome. Really. Erica

The Cheerier Post

Huh, I'm in a bloggy mood now since I just posted something. It wasn't a very cheery one so I'll try and make this one cheerier. My life isn't actually that bad. I'm just in one of those moods I seem to be getting lately. They are annoying. SO! (I'm thinking caps will make me sound cheerier?) Um. We're thinking of starting a band!! Well, it was my idea. Okay. Not my idea. One of our ideas that we had since Year 7. One of those many ideas that just floated away and never became anything solid. But I reeally want to make this one work. Because 1. I found out that a friend was in a band and it sounded cool. (Lame but it is one of my reasons) 2. The above reason led me to thinking that it is actually possible. 3. It would be fun. Friend time. (did i just say that?) 4. I reeeeeaally wanna do Dirty Little Secret. Don't ask me why. I think that's all I got for now. Oh, I HOPE YOU GUYS DID WELL IN YOUR SCIENCE TEST! Btw, that was to Isabel, Jessie and Viv. Not that they read this (not that anyone reads this) but Isabel of course. I do appreciate it. Really. Ew. I've gone soppy. Oh, and our Swimming Carnival was on Tuesday. I got my very first RIBBON!Yes, it's quite sad how it actually is my first. I haven't been very lucky the past few years. Being squished by the homework load. Tim Tan P.S Or maybe it's just the essays (PLURAL) I have to do for Chinese school. I dread doing them SO much. P.P.S I decided to change to orange because it was a cheerier colour. :) I SMILED. SEE. I AM CHEERY!

Nonsensical Nonsense

So, I haven't really been in a bloggy mood in a while. I'm not even in one now. I just feel kinda obliged to post something because well. I've had like 3 failed blogs and this ones gotten so far. I'm not giving up now. I don't really have much to talk about because life has just been one big. ball of yarn. Not the greatest metaphore but it was the best I could do. You see, home's been. Ugh. Some days are okay. Other days I feel like just screaming my head off and jumping up and down. It's what everyone else seems to be doing. But then I'll just be giving in. I have a theory. There's a crazy streak in my family. Or maybe not because my parents seem mostly okay and my cousins seem fine. But my siblings. Well, don't even let me start on the problems. And somehow, inside, I think there's this uncontrollable mad thing that could just blow up. At least school's been alright. My friends have been good. It was Vicky's birthday yesterday and I baked her a really yummy Devil's Food Cake. Anyway, it's funny how God knows just how much I can handle. If thing's were going bad at school, my head would just burst in a million pieces and the explosion would be so big that you would find bits of me floating around in space. Wow. Did I just say that? This is a really odd post. Me just rambling nonsensical nonsense. Ignore me. Wait no don't. Cos then I'll feel unloved. Yes, I used that word. The word people use when they feel unloved. Eeek. Okay I'm not liking that word now. The Fortunate Unhappy (Shakespeare, Twelfth Night) Erica

Jam-packed 3 week holiday

So, Here's an overview of my extremely activity-packed holidays. I'm hoping I don't miss anything out. o.o Because it was fun. :) Note: Don't be intimidated by how long it looks. It's not that bad. Okay, maybe it is. kinda sorta really long... I still hope you'll read it! hehe.. Week 1 13th Sept (Monday) - Isabel and Viv at my house. INCEPTION! And Mt Waverley village. :D I think I've posted on that already. 14th Sept (Tuesday) - Went to Ashlyn's house with Joyee and Jess. Pizza for dinner. I mean lunch. Wow. I'm not really thinking straight. Yum. :) And we watched half of this old horror movie called 'IT'. About clowns. I kept getting chills from it for about 3 days after that. I am such a wimp. -.- Clowns. Seriously. Oh and we baked chocolate souffle. :P 16th Sept (Thursday) - Baking day at Rosie's!!!! Baked deeelicious apple crumble and pizza thing. Walked to the park. Pizza dough thing was a small disaster. heeehee. Let's just say my top smelt like dough when I got home. 19th Sept (Monday) - Roar church social thingo. YUM CHAA! In the city. It was okay. I got to know Kim better. :) We had this Amazing Race thing. It was weird. But interesting. o.o Week 2 (Yes, my week is Monday to Sunday. Not Sun to Mon. That's just weird.) (I give up on dates.) Tuesday - Christina's birthday!! With Vic and Nicole and Emily and other random people I don't really know. We watched Salt in GOLD CLASS (first time). Although the wedges and ice-cream were really really yummy, I still think it ain't all that worth the money. xP But maybe that's because I didn't order any Lindt stuff. xP Sunday - Sleepover at Leesh's house. Watched Matrix 2 and 3. :D I didn't like the ending though... Week 3 Monday - Yum Cha with Vic, Nicole, Viv and Christina. That was fun. I had been wanting to go for Yum Cha with friends for aaages. Then we watched Easy A. Not bad. Quite funny in some parts. Wednesday - Sleepover at Jen's with Tess and Eunice. Baked more. :P Mini berry crumbles, brownies and banana muffins. YUM. Thursday - Watched Korean version of Boys over Flowers at Jen's. Don't laugh. xP And then we went to Knox for DESPICABLE ME! I loooove the minions. :D And they're gibberish talk. Friday - We went to Caribbean Market because they had free rides for that day. With the Sims! And I think I finally got Keesha (idk how to spell her name o.o) to like me. :P Because I kept piggy-backing her and pushing her on the swing. xP And we played some soccer. :D Then we went to the Sims house. I miss spending time with them so it was heaps of fun. We played hide-and-seek. It sounds childish but it actually was fun. And truth or dare too. It was kinda lame. But funny at the same time. :) Bad thing was I lost one of my favourite earrings. :( It's the bronze one with a butterfly and a hoop thing... I'm hoping they find it though. Saturday - We were going to go to an alpaka (spelling?) farm but we couldn't go for... Reasons I will not mention. BUT! We met up with our church friends at Hastings for the picnic thing. :D So it was okay. We played like 3 hours of soccer. But it didn't even feel like it because it's just so much fun. :) Kendrick lost his ring on the field. o.o 2 lost things in 2 days. Hmm... So it was a really great holiday. Jam packed with fun. Though there were some not so great times at home. Ah well. Oh and in between all that, I managed to cook roast chicken for dinner one night, bake a failed banana bread and SIEW BAO! If you don't know what it is, google it. It's yummy. :) I might've made pizza too. Idk. Not particularly looking forward to school. Erica

Collection of Thoughts

Ugh, 14 is a stupid age. Hate it. Well, right now anyway. I feel young and kid-ish. People my age can be cruel. I feel short, disproportioned, squinty eyed, in need of a haircut and... I don't know. Out of place. Sometimes, smiling can be so draining. It just. Well, drains up energy. Cheerfulness just seeps it like some sort of vacuum. I wish I could punch jealousy in the face. See, this is another thing that eats you up from the inside. I'm sick of being a moody little teenager. I'm not trying to be mean. Really. Not up to a social gathering where I have to put on a bright happy smiley cheerful face and talk and laugh and talk more. Well, time to be happy again. Or maybe for the first time, I won't be able to do it. And I'll just stay in this sullen mood. No, actually, I think I'll manage. As always. I'm slightly annoyed with myself for that. Hm. Me

Friends came over

Yesterday, Technically the first day of the holidays if you don't count the weekend. WHOOO. HOLIDAYS! Right. So. I shall start with the happenings of the day. Viv and Isabel came over. Isabel came early, as per usual. lol. Dw Isabel, I actually don't mind. :P And we played MapleStory! Yay. Yes, I'm hooked again, which can't be a good thing. But who really cares? And Viv, I don't care what is wrong with your computer, but you are going to MAKE MAPLE WORK. :D Then, we walked to Mt Waverley Village (no shorter name I don't think) for lunch. It actually isn't thaaaat far. lol. Omgsh, the curry pie from Swiss bakery was yummy. The pastry was all crisp and buttery and unhealthy. But oh well. Viv decided to go healthy and eat Subway. BUT she broke the healthiness with Subway cookies. But that's okay. She was generous and shared. :D Got home and watched Inception. I would have killed the phone. Seriously. It just kept ringing and disrupting my Inception watching-ness. And then, I had to walk to get Jon from school because Dad wasn't gonna be home in time. Only when I got there, I met them there. -.- At least I didn't have to walk all the way home again... Oh oh. Funny bit. First, Isabel's mum picked her up. Then, Mum drove Viv to the bus stop. On the way back from the bus stop, my phone rang. It was Viv. 'OMG, I LEFT MY CHARGER IN YOUR HOUSE! GET IT GET IT GET IT!!' Yes. Seconds later after I hung up, the phone rang again. It was Isabel. 'Omg. I left my charger and laptop at your house. Coming over soon.' ... Rushed to get Viv's charger. Drove down and thankfully, her bus hadn't come yet. Gave Viv her charger. Got home. A while after, Isabel sneakily arrived without me noticing took her stuff and I only caught her on the way out. Dude, if I didn't see her, I would have thought her stuff disappeared into thin air... Okay day. TimTan

Thank God You're Here

Today, Was another averagely good-ish day. We watched She's the man in English. And erm. Yeah. In assembly, (our first in ages. not that I care that much) Mr Argall mentioned something about Thank God You're Here. I don't remember much, but I just wanna say. THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE! That includes everyone in my life who has, in any stage, made me smile/laugh/feel better/have the fuzzy warm feeling inside/happy/feel loved etc. Or just been there for me. You know who you are. xP Oh, I was interviewed today for an inter school scholarship. I was nervous, but I felt better when I found out it was just 3 friendly, smiley old ladies who were PLC old collegians. They asked about Dame Nelly Melba. I failed. I said she was some plane person but she was an opera singer. I KNEW THAT. I just couldn't remember it. Idk why. Don't ask. Oh. Last Friday, we had a flute day. Which was fun. OMG. I went so high during the masterclass type thing. 2 cupcakes, carrot cake with ICING and banana cake. Hmmm. Not so good for me. But OH so delicious. I apologize for lack of photos. Melissa and Cynthia looked at me weirdly because I kept randomly doing random things. :P Life goes on. Oh nice line. I like that line. I shall repeat it. Life goes on. TimTan

Liar liar.

You can lie to me all you damn want. Just stop lying to yourself. Throwing silent tantrums. It's so hard to rid frustration silently. Without the help of loud bangs and screams. Forgive 7x7 times. Gah. Help. Gosh, why can't you just admit it? Blatantly obvious, but you don't want to see it. This is so not good for me. Me.

Spring 2010

Pinch, punch, first day of the month. So that was yesterday. But whatever.. I didn't have time to blog. Anyway, so it was the first day of spring, though it was rainy and didn't look like it. Today was more like spring. Sunny blue, almost cloudless sky. What happened? Well, it was just a normal Wednesday at school. Jessie dragged me to Anime Club, but something didn't work. We ended up spending the rest of lunch there anyways. Lulu shared some of her blood orange. Ohmygosh it was like. purple. and the juice was like. purply red. like blood. It tasted like a normal orange, but had a slight berry flavour. It was interesting. :P Today was also a normal good-ish okay day. Lunch was fun. Bahhaha. Jessie, Isabel and I (awesome grammar xD) looked like hobos because were were huddling around the noodle cup Christina gave us because she didn't want it anymore. We were acting like Youngies again! lol. There was no Melba today. I got home and played MapleStory with Jessie. hahah. It was fun. Shall recuit more maple members. (viv is nearly converted) Erica

Can't think of one

I feel like freaking punching something right now. ARGH. Can you please just shut up. I've become SOO freaking close to swearing these days. And that's against my very being. And guess why? Sick of it. So sick of it that I can't even put it into words. It was such a good day too. It's all getting way to old. A concentrated whirl of anger.

Blah. Yeah, that sums out how I'm feeling.

Okay, So I'm in a bit of a... Mood right now. Suffice to say I'm not happy but I shall try to blog about something happy so I'll forget about it. Er. Hm. Um. I can't think of anything right now. Argh. Okay. How about. My week. Okay. So have I told you my class (9G) won the Year 9 Singing Competition? Well, along with 9H. Bahaha. Vicky's class. Anyway, so we have to perform Imagine during assembly. I think it was the sign language that got us to win. Personally, I thought we were just average and slightly off tune. But who's complaining? We got heaps (like 3) of chocolates from it. :D From Catherine, Madam Ning, and as a reward for winning. Next, um. um. um. Oh, we had Community Action again. Same thing. Sand box, then inside. Oh and we missed the bus again. JUST this time. So we walked. Go on www.studywiz.plc.vic.edu.au blog thingo if you wanna read more. It's nothing much though. Erm. OH, we had to go to this family Psychologist appointment thing. Yay because it was the day Tess got discharged. But I don't really want to talk about it. The day. Just that it ended nice enough I guess. :) <<<> Battery's running out. Drained and weary, Erica.

20th August 2010 (Thursday)

Today, I woke up and ate cereal and toast with avocados. Then, I went to school early for flute group. Hmm.. The rest of classes were just. Average and normal. At recess though, Crystal gave me a dumpling, and then brownie from Rochelle (cos we did awesomely in the singing competition. not really.) and then some pizza scroll from Viv because she was being generous. :D thx viv. But the highlight really was lunchtime. I was supposed to go to Art but Ms Snell wasn't there so I cbs. I've already wasted like 3 of my precious lunchtimes doing art. And I have to do it again tmrw. Gah. Anyway, I was eating lunch with my friends. Which is usually fun enough. We talk about the randomest things. BUT, after buying a packet of chips (not me. Jessie), we decided to go for a walk. We went to the area we used to spend our year 7 lunchtimes. And played the balancing game on this wood bit jutting out. Like a mini fence. Anyway, we took turns going the whole way while the others went crazy screaming and jumping up and down trying to get the person balancing to fall off. I love how we all still have that bit of kid inside. I kinda feel sorry for all those who grew up so fast and don't have a chance to do all this because they're too busy with how they look etc. After school, and Melba, Mum drove me to Mt waverley village so I could interview people for a Geography project. I managed to get 2 people, but others just shooed me off or said they were busy. I got a little intimidated after a while, and gave up... People can be very intimidating even though they don't mean it. So I made myself a promise, if, when I'm old/older, and a young girl comes with some survey for school, I'll put on a big smile and answer as well as I can even though I'm in a bad mood or whtever. Smiling at a good-ish day. Interesting. Erica

Not sure what to think

Hi, I'm just. Shocked. In utter disbelief. I didn't know it was so serious. I don't even know what to think. I never saw it as a reality. The hospital. That's. I don't know. But if it'll help her get better, then I guess that's a good thing. All those calls from random people who are trying to give support or help or care or whatever. Aunty Vanny picking me up from school, asking me if I'm okay. It's all just freaking me out. It's really weird. Mum's okay. I hope. I didn't know whether to ask if she was okay or to just carry on as normal. I did both. All I can do is offer whatever help I can. Help pack her stuff. I thought I liked being home alone. I don't. Just the usual footsteps around the house and the sound of activity. A sound I usually don't notice. Neglect even. How is she going to survive? I hope she's okay. I'm getting Grey's Anatomy for her. It's all I can think of. Mum said no internet, or fb or phone. Idk. Doesn't feel like my life. Feels like everything's in slow motion. Like watching a movie. That's right. It feels like it's all scripted and well. Movie-like. Unreal. Trying to get my head around it all. It'll all go back to normal soon, right? Confused, Me.

A Day in the Life of ME

See, Told you so. About the sudden BAM of crazy posting. Okay, 3 isn't that many. But still. Today, we had a Leadership voting thing replacing form assembly. We had to vote. I only knew 3 people on the Year 11 girls' list. So, I figured I would vote for Tess. Because I think she would be a good one. And it would be so cool! I could like, be like, okay, if you organize a free sausage sizzle/pancake day, I'll do the dishes tomorrow. Then, we had PE. Bec and I are Captains of our soccer team (Bout 7 ppl..) I got chosen because I'm in a soccer team. But it's kinda silly, because I'm pretty much the worst one on the team. Oh well. Anyway, we just did random drills. Fun. I got mud all over me. :D Oooh, Lunch. Often the highlight of my day. I had a yummy croissant sandwich. I went to the library (dragging Jessie, yes we do that a lot. Drag people to places) and printed my GEOGRAPHY hw. Then, Jessie made me watch the Asylum 626 trailer. She turned faced the computer toward me and got me to commentate on what was happening. So she would know, without having to go through the mental trauma. OMGSH! It was scaaary. And soundless. Imagine how much worse it would be if it had sound... I only watched like bits of it, cos I kept chickening out and turning away. baha. Once, I turned my head, and Jessie PUSHED IT BACK. omgsh. so mean. IF I GET NIGHTMARES TODAY IT IS JESSIE'S FAULT! BUT, I'm looking forward to doing the actual game at Jessie's b'day. At the end of school, our usual walking home routine got muddled a little. Here's what happened: 1. Vicky dragged me to music. (told you we do that heaps) 2. Ran to Jessie's locker. Did not find her. 3. Ran to my locker. Passed Myura who told me Jessie and stuff was waiting at my locker. 4. Saw no one at locker. cbs. Decided to walk alone. 5. Mobile rang. It was Isabel. They were at my locker... 6. Meet after buses, in front of PE centre. Laughs. 7. Walk to Parer Street as per usual. 8. See my car. Isabel's car is behind. Decide to drive alongside each other. 9. Plan failed. Mum was busy talking and I was like gogogo. But no. Isabel's car was already 2 cars ahead... 10. Mobile rings. Probs Isabel. Mobile is in my schoolbag in the boot. 11. Slaps head and mentally says sorry to Isabel. Hahaha. My life is average. Not. It's awesome. :) Really good bits and really bad bits. I guess they evened out? o.o Listening to Jonathan playing maplestory. He's in Perion, I think. Judging by the music. Erica

Life's been. idk. Crazy.

So, Life's been idk. Crazy. I guess. I'd start my day with arguments, screaming, emotional breakdowns etc. Then, I'd go to school. Kinda... Not my usual cheery self, but determined to keep that HAPPY demeanour. And I can, but it saps extra energy. Then, I'd blurt a couple of words (with a perfectly straight, unemotional face and tone) to a friend. A good one. Or a few. And they'd give a couple of words of comfort. Or make me smile at something. Kate insulted me. It worked. -.- haha. The day would then proceed with higher spirits. I would be able to laugh and smile genuinely. You guys might not know it, but you're pretty great. I might not say it often, but I do mean it. Next, I would go home. And perhaps go through another burst of frustration at dinner time. Idk. Sometimes, I know you're trying. Other times, I don't see why the heck it's so hard. Sorry I don't understand what you're going through, but then, you don't know what I'm going through either. I'm sorry. I know I can be really harsh. and mean. and cold. and resentful. and thoughtless. But it's that, or tears. Which I'm avoiding. I cry so easily these days.. But I do care. I'm just not god at showing it. Frustration, anger, worry, jealousy. I don't know what's what anymore. Huh. And my OurSpace teacher told me that good posts are short and simple. Really should be Geography-ing. Tommy

The lame, but honest excuse

Hm,

I seem to blog in bursts. I'll not post for a really long time, and then suddenly, BAM, postpostpostpostpost. And then stop. Okay, so I'm exaggerating a little.

Anyway, today, (bahaha, it rhymes). Hm, actually, lemme start from the beginning. I had this major 1000+ word Geography report due today. I had done Qns 1-3, btw, that's a lot, and I was gonna do the rest over the weekend. On Saturday, I couldn't find my USB. And I figured that it was at school. So I thought I'd do Qns 4-5 plus the intro, conclusion etc. And then tie it together today lunchtime. This plan was perfect, except for the fact that... I couldn't find my USB. Instead, in the lost USB box thing, I found... my OLD usb. huh. bummerrr. So now, I'm redoing it all. At least Ms Thompson didn't kill me.

Should be doing Geography,

Erica

Life Update xP

Here is, Just a silly moment in my life. A moment that happened quite a while ago, but yeah... Idk, I just thought of it. Me: Did you guys have school yesterday (as in friday)? *Hoping to rub it in that I didn't* Michelle: Um. No... *Looking at me weirdly* Me: Oh really?? Dang... Michelle: It was Saturday. *smirking* Me: *slaps forhead* omgsh... Whoops... No soccer practice today. Dunno why. But I'm glad. Wasn't really looking forward to it. lol. Too cold today... First Design class today. It's the only class I have with Isabel. It was fuun. I kinda miss our Maths lessons from last year a little. Yo-ing on the books, as annoying as it was, was fun. lol. Reading The Time Traveler's Wife. After finishing Rowan of Rin, Queen of Babble and the second book of Airhead. Okay. Just telling you about the random bits of my currently not so interesting life. teehee. Wondering, TimTan

Erica the Perfectionist?

So,

Uncle Ben said I was a 'perfectionist'.

Me: Um... Really? How do you know? (Not sure if I should take it as a compliment or insult or comment) Uncle Ben: Well, from what your mum tells me about you and how I've seen you act. Me: ... Uncle Ben: (Probably seeing the look on my face) Oh, don't worry. I was one too, when I was young. Me: Really? Okay... But what do you mean by 'perfectionist'? Uncle Ben: Well, you go to sleep on time, you eat at the right time, you do well at school. Me: Okay... Uncle Ben: Well, my mother's friends used to ask her how she did it. Because I did what I was told and came top of my class. And my mum used to say that she didn't have to do anything. I was just born that way. Me: Oh. Okay... -End of Conversation-

Btw, it's not totally accurate because it was like a week ago and my memory is failing me. It was at night. And I was tired... But anyway, it's sort of pretty much what happened. Am I perfectionist? Idk. Maybe? But for some reason, I don't particularly want to be known as the perfectionist. I don't like the idea... Erica the perfectionist just doesn't cut it for me.

I was going to continue with another thought, but I reckon that's enough. For today. Besides, I have school tomorrow.

After an activity packed 1 1/2 weeks with family, then a few days of lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing, maybe school might not be so bad for me.

Did I just say that?!

Well, I'll see my friends. :)

Feeling... Quite neutral.

Erica

Holiday Life

Here, Is a summary of Sydney. Well mostly. Bits about just holidays too. Because well. It was fun and I wanna remember it for future reference. LOL. I said future reference. Okay. So. Narrating mode. We went to Sydney with Aunty Ching and her family. Nick and Adrian both have Scottish accents. Sooo cool. And Adrian is the MOST adorable 4 year old. EVER. Awww. I loved spending time with him. He makes the cutest comments and it makes it even cuter in his accent. lol. Okay. I'm gushing. But I would be like holding his hand and he would be like 'You're mine!' AWWW. Right. Enough with the gushing. lol. When my cousins first came over, we went to... Melbourne Museum. Yesh, it was my first time. And it was actually quite interesting. But we didn't get to spend long there. Because we were going for yum cha. Yummy. :P Then, Sydney! Tess, Jon and I stayed at Ee Ee's place. And everyone else stayed at the hotel. lol. ah well. We went to the Sydney Opera House. Which is massive. Wayyy bigger than it is in all those photos. And the Sydney Harbor Bridge was pretty nice too. We also went to Manly Beach. And had ice-cream. We had ice-cream a lot. And oooh. We went to heaps of yummy food places. This korean place, where you had to take a number because there were so many people. And you had to wait like 1 hour. And if you missed your number, you got a new one... -.- And the thai restaurant was yummy too. And we went to Burke Street Bakery. The tarts were alright. Except for the Strawberry Brulee Tart, which was deeelicious. And we got this fig sourdough bread thing. Which was meh. Okay, enough about food. I'm sparing you Isabel. I could go on forever. xD And we went to the Sydney Zoo. Which was fun. But SO no worth the money. It was really really expensive. I guess that's enough about the holiday. Not happy it's over though. Erica

Desperate for normal

Okay, So I haven't posted in a while. I dunno. I've just been really lazy and busy and just. Yeah. Just a quick update, the holidays are ending, I've gone to Sydney and back, I've watched Toy Story 3 (which was really great, honestly), seen Shrek 4 (it was better than I thought) and... I've also been sucked into this whirlpool of frustration and anger and just. Ugh. And when I tried pulling myself out, I just couldn't. I was drowning in it. Almost every thought in my head was dragged to this. You made dread what would normally have been the favourite part of my day. And then you ask me to forgive. And I did. But then you would just do it again. and again. and again. Sorry means you stop. Do you not see what it's doing to everyone? We've all cried a billion tears on it. It's like an obsession. Starting with you, and then the rest of us are just sucked in. It's just freaking food. Sorry if I'm being really harsh, but I honestly. Just. UGH. Why can't you just LET IT GO. And while your at it, leave me out of it. It has nothing to DO with me. Because I'm not the one with the problem. But seriously, I think I'm going to have the exact problem too soon. At least just open your eyes and see that you've been blinded by your own mind. Can't you just freaking LISTEN? They know what's best for you. They want what's best for you. Stop being so freaking stubborn. Please. I'm begging you. PLEASE. I'm scared. Worried. Whatever you want to call it. And it's scaring me even more when I see how scared and worried mum and dad are. Yeah, I'm being very vague. Not going into specifics. Idk. I'm sorry. I just really needed to vent this anger somewhere. Or else I'll just be bottling it up and I think I'll regret that later on. Sigh. Well, I think I've gotten out of the whirlpool. Or at least close. But it's either I ignore it all. Everything. Or I'll get pulled in again. Idk. I still don't get it. What happened?

No idea how this post took this path. I wanted to post this. But well. Yeah. I wasn't going to. It just happened. o.o Confused, frustrated. Wishing for the nightmare to end. Me.

Over the Long Weekend

So, Over the long weekend, which was quite a while ago, (yes, I have been neglecting blogging), I was fully booked. Friday, was fuun. Went to Chaddie with Viv, Isabel, Kate, Nicole, Jessie and Vicky. It was Viv's b'day!! yay! And I baked her a marble cake. Even though she said she didn't want one. Well, too bad. xD Isabel wanted it anyway. We were going to watch S** in the City or Get Him to the Greek. Which were both MA15+ movies. I had no idea we were gonna watch them and I reeeeallly didn't want to have to lie. And I even more really did not want to watch Get Him to the Greek. Especially after what Isabel and Nicole were telling me about it... Thanks guys... lol. In the end, I was HAPPY cos we watched Shrek. Not that bad actually. :) Saturday was busy as usual. Chinese school, then church. Sunday was the Sim's house warming. Curry, lasagna, pasta, pizza. Jusst the usual yummy food. There was reeeaallly yummy apple pie. ;) Then, we played soccer for like 3 hours. I know, omgsh. I didn't even notice that we played so long. But it was SOO muddy and I got mud everywhere. You could literally see the different colour near my ankles. Kinda like camp actually. Monday was Jason's B'day. It started alright. But um... I think James pushed a wrong button an Jas got really angry and it was all just... I mean, what do you do when someone's so angry that they don't listen to comfort? Hmm.. I made egg tarts too. Just an update. Nothing much. o.o Erica

Written while I was supposed to be hw-ing

Hey, So, I reckon I was really smart in Year 7. No, I'm not bragging. Or well, okay, maybe I was just lucky. Idk. But whatever it was, I'm glad. The people I met, who by one way or another, became the people I can proudly call, my friends. I know, how corny is that? But seriously. We're all really sort of different people. But the same as well. Like a mixture. They make me strive to work harder, because they are just such great, smart, talented people. But, they also aren't crazy workaholics. I can actually stop and enjoy life. We have a sporty one, a freakishly musical one who still somehow manages to be super smart, a writer who's really deep and philosophical, the extremely nice one (who I compete niceness with. jooooking. or not. yes. no. maybe?) who is also smart and started a CLUB etc. Ooooh and last there's me. xD And there's Kate. So you can't say we're a group of only asians. Thanks Kate. You know, I always felt more comfortable with asians. And even more with Malaysians. Just because. But now, I can say I know a non-asian pretty well and she's pretty funny. And random. and weird. and makes me roll my eyes at her attempts to disturb me. Okay, they work. but just like. ew. no. This amazing thing happened today. I forgot my flute, and I was freaking out for my flute lesson. And... HE WASN'T THERE. He as in my flute teacher. omgsh. The last time I forgot my flute, he WASN'T THERE EITHER. Okay, so it happened the first time. Cool, lucky me. But it happened a second time. whoa. So unlikely. I'm wondering if I should go back and tag all my previous posts. Do I have that kinda time though? Maths exam next Wednesday. yay. Sick. Sniffling. But surviving, thanks for asking. :P TimTan

Scattered Thoughts

So,

I haven't blogged in a while. It's been normal. With happy days, sad days, angry days, normal days where I think too much and make it tilt on the sad day side, normal days. Nothing much really. I went to Denzel's new house yesterday night and that was fun. Because I haven't like actually seen them in ages and I guess I kinda miss 'em. School has been. Normal. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I don't have one omg-ingly close bosom (lol at that word) friend. Instead, I have a small group of people who I call my good friends. And yes, I'm quite happy.

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Oh. Ew. It just came to my mind that I have school tomorrow. 6 more weeks. Yes I have been counting. And hm. I have realized that I am a very easily jealous person. Which is really bad. But like, how do you stop being jealous and make yourself happy for another person's successes and the good things that they have. It also links to me being grateful for what I already have. omg. Why must humans always want what they don't have? And even when they get it, they want more again. It's like this hunger that can't be satisfied. Hmm. They say this is where God comes in. There's like this God shaped void in people and people try to fill it with drugs, alcohol etc. But it doesn't work. You see, as I Christian that is always a good girl and goes to church, I know this. But it's easier said than done. Like. Oh idk. Too young to be thinking so much. lol. I'll just do what I can to live a happy life and maybe, make other people's lives happy too.

Okayy. My thoughts are really scattered today. Erica.

Crazy day

Okay, So today started with the end of music camp. I'll post the details some other time. Maybe. Anyway, so I was pretty happy, because music camp was fun but I wanted to go home. But I was dreading it as well, because I had a soccer match. And I really didn't feel like doing anything physical. But I went anyway, because if not they would be a player short. The game was fun. Except I got smashed in the face by the ball. Like right in the face. And I also was tripped over bout 3 times. I twisted my ankle though I did not feel the effects of it until I got home... And another trip caused me to end up on the ground, with my face in the dirt. And apparently, my friend said that the girl that tripped me toppled on top of me. But I was kinda too dazed and shocked to notice... Yeah, so I have a bruise on my cheek to go with the other bruises and the sprain. But it was still a good game. Though we lost by 5-4. We had a bad ref... Then, Jason was treating us to dinner. And then. Well, another incident in which I ended up in tears. Which is stupid because I hadn't cried through any of the injuries during soccer. I'm good at holding tears in. Well, I thought I was. But this... It just keeps happening. The same thing, and I try to ignore it. But I still hear it and as much as I pretend it's not there, it'll always be there. So now the smallest thing sets me off. Why can't she just STOP. freaking shut her freaking mouth and leave me alone? Then, she apologizes. But after you say sorry, aren't you supposed to stop? If you don't, then what's the point? It's just a stupid word. Say it a million times if you want, but it means nothing. Then, in the car I found out a friend at church in Malaysia's mum had passed away this morning. It came as a huge blow. What was my pain, compared to hers? What do you do when a loved one just. Leaves. Dies. Stops existing? How are you supposed to cope? Death. Something no one really wants to face. It's the unknown. What happens after? Sure, I believe in God and heaven. But is knowing that your mum is happy in heaven, does that stop the hurt? Stop the fact that they'll never come back? I can't even imagine how I would react if that happened to me. Would I cry? How long before I actually believed it was happening? Moving on. Are you supposed to do that? Or is that like forgetting. Getting over it. And there are always those doubts. What really happens after death? I'm allowed to doubt a little, right? Dear God, please help them through this. Be a comfort. Tell them it'll be okay. Crazy day, huh? Being a selfish idiot when I should be grateful. Erica

Smiling

Oh wow, Life's been really great. I know, how weird, specially since school just started. It might have something to do with it being my BIRTHDAY last Thursday. But I think that's only a little part of it. I, for one, know I've done nothing to deserve it. The best friends, the greatest family etc. Sure, there are the tiniest cracks (homework, math, arguments with my siblings), but when you look at the whole bowl? they're really nothing. Okay, so some cracks are kinda significant. Like how I was such an idiot and I went and misplaced my flute. I'm like 100% sure that I left it on the bottom floor, in the Year 9 corridor. I looked all over the place on Thursday, but couldn't find it. So from that day, until the HAPPY Monday, the burden weighed heavily on me. Although I could see how nice my friends were, following me everywhere looking for it, and how nice my mum was being, not screaming her head off at me, I was really really worried. The whole day, I would be praying like crazy, asking God to get me my flute back somehow. And then, hey, on Monday, Maths class, Period 2, I saw my flute lying on the table in the corner of the room. How the heck did it get there? No idea. But still, it was there and I was OVER the moon. Thanks God, seriously. On Sunday, it was my um. sort of b'day party. With the Sims and Mavis' family. We played Cry Wolf. It took aaggess trying to get everyone to shush up and listen, but it was fun. It was ice-cream and cake-filled, which made it all the better. Now, you really need to thank me for not going into the details which, as fun as I think it was (well sorta), you might find boring. I can't help but smile a little. Savoring this UP part in my life. Today, we spent lunchtime doing cartwheels, frog/turkey/duck jump racing o.o, shouting random things and attempting to balance on a log. I know, me and my friends, we're cool. xD Erica This post is dedicated to all the people that have made my life great. Just realized I didn't post it yesterday so I'm posting it now.

One of that happy days

A warm, snuggly feeling inside even though outside, it's cold and windy. Don't laugh. Corny, I know. But it's just one of those days when I'm at peace with well. Life, I guess. And that's pretty rare. Either I'm too busy to think, or I'm at home and have so much time to think, that well. I do what I always do, think too much. But today, somehow, for some reason, my mind or soul or whatever it is, is giving me a break. I feel contented with well. Life, I guess. lol. There are days when I'm happy for no reason, and days when I'm um. not happy for not reason. Then, there are days when there actually is something to be happy about and... Oh you get my drift. Funny how I'm feeling this way 2 days before school is starting again. Hm. School. Maybe it'll do me some good to go back and see my friends again. Get used to using my brain and actually working. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. Pointless as this post was, I guess I just want to remind myself that I actually do get good days. My life isn't as suckish as how I put it sometimes. It's gonna be a long, dreary term. How AM I gonna get through it? Cheery and warm for now.