Crazy day

Okay, So today started with the end of music camp. I'll post the details some other time. Maybe. Anyway, so I was pretty happy, because music camp was fun but I wanted to go home. But I was dreading it as well, because I had a soccer match. And I really didn't feel like doing anything physical. But I went anyway, because if not they would be a player short. The game was fun. Except I got smashed in the face by the ball. Like right in the face. And I also was tripped over bout 3 times. I twisted my ankle though I did not feel the effects of it until I got home... And another trip caused me to end up on the ground, with my face in the dirt. And apparently, my friend said that the girl that tripped me toppled on top of me. But I was kinda too dazed and shocked to notice... Yeah, so I have a bruise on my cheek to go with the other bruises and the sprain. But it was still a good game. Though we lost by 5-4. We had a bad ref... Then, Jason was treating us to dinner. And then. Well, another incident in which I ended up in tears. Which is stupid because I hadn't cried through any of the injuries during soccer. I'm good at holding tears in. Well, I thought I was. But this... It just keeps happening. The same thing, and I try to ignore it. But I still hear it and as much as I pretend it's not there, it'll always be there. So now the smallest thing sets me off. Why can't she just STOP. freaking shut her freaking mouth and leave me alone? Then, she apologizes. But after you say sorry, aren't you supposed to stop? If you don't, then what's the point? It's just a stupid word. Say it a million times if you want, but it means nothing. Then, in the car I found out a friend at church in Malaysia's mum had passed away this morning. It came as a huge blow. What was my pain, compared to hers? What do you do when a loved one just. Leaves. Dies. Stops existing? How are you supposed to cope? Death. Something no one really wants to face. It's the unknown. What happens after? Sure, I believe in God and heaven. But is knowing that your mum is happy in heaven, does that stop the hurt? Stop the fact that they'll never come back? I can't even imagine how I would react if that happened to me. Would I cry? How long before I actually believed it was happening? Moving on. Are you supposed to do that? Or is that like forgetting. Getting over it. And there are always those doubts. What really happens after death? I'm allowed to doubt a little, right? Dear God, please help them through this. Be a comfort. Tell them it'll be okay. Crazy day, huh? Being a selfish idiot when I should be grateful. Erica