Erica the Perfectionist?

So,

Uncle Ben said I was a 'perfectionist'.

Me: Um... Really? How do you know? (Not sure if I should take it as a compliment or insult or comment) Uncle Ben: Well, from what your mum tells me about you and how I've seen you act. Me: ... Uncle Ben: (Probably seeing the look on my face) Oh, don't worry. I was one too, when I was young. Me: Really? Okay... But what do you mean by 'perfectionist'? Uncle Ben: Well, you go to sleep on time, you eat at the right time, you do well at school. Me: Okay... Uncle Ben: Well, my mother's friends used to ask her how she did it. Because I did what I was told and came top of my class. And my mum used to say that she didn't have to do anything. I was just born that way. Me: Oh. Okay... -End of Conversation-

Btw, it's not totally accurate because it was like a week ago and my memory is failing me. It was at night. And I was tired... But anyway, it's sort of pretty much what happened. Am I perfectionist? Idk. Maybe? But for some reason, I don't particularly want to be known as the perfectionist. I don't like the idea... Erica the perfectionist just doesn't cut it for me.

I was going to continue with another thought, but I reckon that's enough. For today. Besides, I have school tomorrow.

After an activity packed 1 1/2 weeks with family, then a few days of lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing, maybe school might not be so bad for me.

Did I just say that?!

Well, I'll see my friends. :)

Feeling... Quite neutral.

Erica

Holiday Life

Here, Is a summary of Sydney. Well mostly. Bits about just holidays too. Because well. It was fun and I wanna remember it for future reference. LOL. I said future reference. Okay. So. Narrating mode. We went to Sydney with Aunty Ching and her family. Nick and Adrian both have Scottish accents. Sooo cool. And Adrian is the MOST adorable 4 year old. EVER. Awww. I loved spending time with him. He makes the cutest comments and it makes it even cuter in his accent. lol. Okay. I'm gushing. But I would be like holding his hand and he would be like 'You're mine!' AWWW. Right. Enough with the gushing. lol. When my cousins first came over, we went to... Melbourne Museum. Yesh, it was my first time. And it was actually quite interesting. But we didn't get to spend long there. Because we were going for yum cha. Yummy. :P Then, Sydney! Tess, Jon and I stayed at Ee Ee's place. And everyone else stayed at the hotel. lol. ah well. We went to the Sydney Opera House. Which is massive. Wayyy bigger than it is in all those photos. And the Sydney Harbor Bridge was pretty nice too. We also went to Manly Beach. And had ice-cream. We had ice-cream a lot. And oooh. We went to heaps of yummy food places. This korean place, where you had to take a number because there were so many people. And you had to wait like 1 hour. And if you missed your number, you got a new one... -.- And the thai restaurant was yummy too. And we went to Burke Street Bakery. The tarts were alright. Except for the Strawberry Brulee Tart, which was deeelicious. And we got this fig sourdough bread thing. Which was meh. Okay, enough about food. I'm sparing you Isabel. I could go on forever. xD And we went to the Sydney Zoo. Which was fun. But SO no worth the money. It was really really expensive. I guess that's enough about the holiday. Not happy it's over though. Erica

Desperate for normal

Okay, So I haven't posted in a while. I dunno. I've just been really lazy and busy and just. Yeah. Just a quick update, the holidays are ending, I've gone to Sydney and back, I've watched Toy Story 3 (which was really great, honestly), seen Shrek 4 (it was better than I thought) and... I've also been sucked into this whirlpool of frustration and anger and just. Ugh. And when I tried pulling myself out, I just couldn't. I was drowning in it. Almost every thought in my head was dragged to this. You made dread what would normally have been the favourite part of my day. And then you ask me to forgive. And I did. But then you would just do it again. and again. and again. Sorry means you stop. Do you not see what it's doing to everyone? We've all cried a billion tears on it. It's like an obsession. Starting with you, and then the rest of us are just sucked in. It's just freaking food. Sorry if I'm being really harsh, but I honestly. Just. UGH. Why can't you just LET IT GO. And while your at it, leave me out of it. It has nothing to DO with me. Because I'm not the one with the problem. But seriously, I think I'm going to have the exact problem too soon. At least just open your eyes and see that you've been blinded by your own mind. Can't you just freaking LISTEN? They know what's best for you. They want what's best for you. Stop being so freaking stubborn. Please. I'm begging you. PLEASE. I'm scared. Worried. Whatever you want to call it. And it's scaring me even more when I see how scared and worried mum and dad are. Yeah, I'm being very vague. Not going into specifics. Idk. I'm sorry. I just really needed to vent this anger somewhere. Or else I'll just be bottling it up and I think I'll regret that later on. Sigh. Well, I think I've gotten out of the whirlpool. Or at least close. But it's either I ignore it all. Everything. Or I'll get pulled in again. Idk. I still don't get it. What happened?

No idea how this post took this path. I wanted to post this. But well. Yeah. I wasn't going to. It just happened. o.o Confused, frustrated. Wishing for the nightmare to end. Me.

Over the Long Weekend

So, Over the long weekend, which was quite a while ago, (yes, I have been neglecting blogging), I was fully booked. Friday, was fuun. Went to Chaddie with Viv, Isabel, Kate, Nicole, Jessie and Vicky. It was Viv's b'day!! yay! And I baked her a marble cake. Even though she said she didn't want one. Well, too bad. xD Isabel wanted it anyway. We were going to watch S** in the City or Get Him to the Greek. Which were both MA15+ movies. I had no idea we were gonna watch them and I reeeeallly didn't want to have to lie. And I even more really did not want to watch Get Him to the Greek. Especially after what Isabel and Nicole were telling me about it... Thanks guys... lol. In the end, I was HAPPY cos we watched Shrek. Not that bad actually. :) Saturday was busy as usual. Chinese school, then church. Sunday was the Sim's house warming. Curry, lasagna, pasta, pizza. Jusst the usual yummy food. There was reeeaallly yummy apple pie. ;) Then, we played soccer for like 3 hours. I know, omgsh. I didn't even notice that we played so long. But it was SOO muddy and I got mud everywhere. You could literally see the different colour near my ankles. Kinda like camp actually. Monday was Jason's B'day. It started alright. But um... I think James pushed a wrong button an Jas got really angry and it was all just... I mean, what do you do when someone's so angry that they don't listen to comfort? Hmm.. I made egg tarts too. Just an update. Nothing much. o.o Erica

Written while I was supposed to be hw-ing

Hey, So, I reckon I was really smart in Year 7. No, I'm not bragging. Or well, okay, maybe I was just lucky. Idk. But whatever it was, I'm glad. The people I met, who by one way or another, became the people I can proudly call, my friends. I know, how corny is that? But seriously. We're all really sort of different people. But the same as well. Like a mixture. They make me strive to work harder, because they are just such great, smart, talented people. But, they also aren't crazy workaholics. I can actually stop and enjoy life. We have a sporty one, a freakishly musical one who still somehow manages to be super smart, a writer who's really deep and philosophical, the extremely nice one (who I compete niceness with. jooooking. or not. yes. no. maybe?) who is also smart and started a CLUB etc. Ooooh and last there's me. xD And there's Kate. So you can't say we're a group of only asians. Thanks Kate. You know, I always felt more comfortable with asians. And even more with Malaysians. Just because. But now, I can say I know a non-asian pretty well and she's pretty funny. And random. and weird. and makes me roll my eyes at her attempts to disturb me. Okay, they work. but just like. ew. no. This amazing thing happened today. I forgot my flute, and I was freaking out for my flute lesson. And... HE WASN'T THERE. He as in my flute teacher. omgsh. The last time I forgot my flute, he WASN'T THERE EITHER. Okay, so it happened the first time. Cool, lucky me. But it happened a second time. whoa. So unlikely. I'm wondering if I should go back and tag all my previous posts. Do I have that kinda time though? Maths exam next Wednesday. yay. Sick. Sniffling. But surviving, thanks for asking. :P TimTan

Scattered Thoughts

So,

I haven't blogged in a while. It's been normal. With happy days, sad days, angry days, normal days where I think too much and make it tilt on the sad day side, normal days. Nothing much really. I went to Denzel's new house yesterday night and that was fun. Because I haven't like actually seen them in ages and I guess I kinda miss 'em. School has been. Normal. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I don't have one omg-ingly close bosom (lol at that word) friend. Instead, I have a small group of people who I call my good friends. And yes, I'm quite happy.

---

--

-

Oh. Ew. It just came to my mind that I have school tomorrow. 6 more weeks. Yes I have been counting. And hm. I have realized that I am a very easily jealous person. Which is really bad. But like, how do you stop being jealous and make yourself happy for another person's successes and the good things that they have. It also links to me being grateful for what I already have. omg. Why must humans always want what they don't have? And even when they get it, they want more again. It's like this hunger that can't be satisfied. Hmm. They say this is where God comes in. There's like this God shaped void in people and people try to fill it with drugs, alcohol etc. But it doesn't work. You see, as I Christian that is always a good girl and goes to church, I know this. But it's easier said than done. Like. Oh idk. Too young to be thinking so much. lol. I'll just do what I can to live a happy life and maybe, make other people's lives happy too.

Okayy. My thoughts are really scattered today. Erica.

Crazy day

Okay, So today started with the end of music camp. I'll post the details some other time. Maybe. Anyway, so I was pretty happy, because music camp was fun but I wanted to go home. But I was dreading it as well, because I had a soccer match. And I really didn't feel like doing anything physical. But I went anyway, because if not they would be a player short. The game was fun. Except I got smashed in the face by the ball. Like right in the face. And I also was tripped over bout 3 times. I twisted my ankle though I did not feel the effects of it until I got home... And another trip caused me to end up on the ground, with my face in the dirt. And apparently, my friend said that the girl that tripped me toppled on top of me. But I was kinda too dazed and shocked to notice... Yeah, so I have a bruise on my cheek to go with the other bruises and the sprain. But it was still a good game. Though we lost by 5-4. We had a bad ref... Then, Jason was treating us to dinner. And then. Well, another incident in which I ended up in tears. Which is stupid because I hadn't cried through any of the injuries during soccer. I'm good at holding tears in. Well, I thought I was. But this... It just keeps happening. The same thing, and I try to ignore it. But I still hear it and as much as I pretend it's not there, it'll always be there. So now the smallest thing sets me off. Why can't she just STOP. freaking shut her freaking mouth and leave me alone? Then, she apologizes. But after you say sorry, aren't you supposed to stop? If you don't, then what's the point? It's just a stupid word. Say it a million times if you want, but it means nothing. Then, in the car I found out a friend at church in Malaysia's mum had passed away this morning. It came as a huge blow. What was my pain, compared to hers? What do you do when a loved one just. Leaves. Dies. Stops existing? How are you supposed to cope? Death. Something no one really wants to face. It's the unknown. What happens after? Sure, I believe in God and heaven. But is knowing that your mum is happy in heaven, does that stop the hurt? Stop the fact that they'll never come back? I can't even imagine how I would react if that happened to me. Would I cry? How long before I actually believed it was happening? Moving on. Are you supposed to do that? Or is that like forgetting. Getting over it. And there are always those doubts. What really happens after death? I'm allowed to doubt a little, right? Dear God, please help them through this. Be a comfort. Tell them it'll be okay. Crazy day, huh? Being a selfish idiot when I should be grateful. Erica