Guide to Self Realization. not

You see, Yesterday, I went with my parents to pick up my flute. Yes, I'm GETTING A NEW FLUTE! Well, since it was yesterday, I technically already got it. So it's past tense. Anyway, as usual, I was kinda doubtful because a flute costs like $1,000!!! Do you know how much that is??? Okay, so my parents go on and on about us not worrying about money. It's their problem. Blah Blah Blah. But still, we can't help it can't we? About RM3 (msian money) Malaysian is ONLY about $1 Aussie. I wouldn't care about that if Dad was working in Australia, but he's not. He will be, but he's not. Oh well. So, Mum wanted me to try out the flute, to see if I liked it. And you know what? I was NERVOUS. NERVOUS. HOW CAN I BE NERVOUS about trying out a FLUTE in a FLUTE SHOP!! Well, in my defence, the music shop people were there and they're strangers. BUT STILL. How dumb is that? I mean, it's not like they're gonna laugh at me if I play the flute horribly. I'm a BEGINNER for goodness sake. In the end, I picked up the flute and played a wobbly 'Jingle Bells'. Bad choice of song, but it's not like I have a whole lot to choose from. I WILL become as good as that girl who played flute during Speech Night. I have decided to make a promise to myself. I will continue flute until Year 12, or at least 11 so I that a) I don't waste the money used to pay for flute lessons b) I don't waste my time and c) I don't waste my 1,000 dollars on the shiny new flute. And it won't go on the list of the many things I've given up. Which, believe me, I'm not proud of. Piano (I will pick it up again and practise the songs I like and learn to sight read better), Ballet (I regret this, but I picked up Contemporary, Jazz dancing instead, which I WON'T quit no matter what) etc. This post was mainly to put in black and white my promise to continue flute and to remind me that I need to find a way to not think so badly of myself (which I do a lot) without making me some egotistical narcissist. Tommy Tim Tan

Happy New Year and Merry Christmas?

Okay, I'm kinda feeling bad for not posting a Christmas post because everyone else has... Not that many people actually read my blog anyway, but well, yea. So here's a combined Christmas and New Year one. You know, I think it's weird that people always say 'Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year' during Christmas although it's not really the New Year yet. But they don't say 'Happy New Year and Merry Christmas' during New Year's Eve. Which is today btw. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Isabel had a picture of Ryan Ross!! And Vicky had a awesome Christmas poem. I can't beat theirs but mine'll be good. Hey, I can dream, can't I? Did Vicky HAVE to write a poem. A whole entire poem. While I can't even upload a stupid picture?? Blogspot does not like me today... So whatever, I'll just give you a link. Cos I can't do any better. And srsly, don't bother clicking on the link. Cos if you do bother and it's nothing of interest to you, which really I don't think it will be, don't complain. :P http://bakingforgood.com/system/item_images/files/2101/normal/Gingerbread_trees.jpg http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/3000/images/3000_MEDIUM.jpg http://cookbookspecial.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/turkey1a.jpg Okay, now that I think about it, that was silly. Well, TOO LATE! Tommy P.S I think this actually is the most pointless posts of all my pointless posts. This is officially labelled as my most pointless post so far.

A Passing Faze

Hey, I might be starting to like shopping. And it's freaking me out. Eeew. Shopping. Maybe I'm being brainwashed after spending so much time shopping with the shopaholics. A.K.A Tess and cousins. But I'm guessing this is just a passing faze. Is that a word? Cos it sounds right, but looks wrong when I typed it... Anyway, Boxing Day shopping was pretty boring. Because Chadstone was overly full and it was no fun because there were so many people and it was cramped and there was NO PLACE TO SIT when you wanted to have a rest and eat something. But overall it was alright-ish. I'm thinking I'll be telling you how boring shopping is soon. Maybe. Or not. Perhaps. I'm back on my feet. I might be a little wobbly, but I'm standing again. When I fell, it hurt for while. And I didn't want to get up, for fear of falling again. What would happen if I fell again? And I never got up? What if what if what if?? Yeah well, if I keep what if-ing I'd never get up again. Here's my attempt to use metaphors. Tommy

A Much Needed Holiday

MERRY belated CHRISTMASS!!! Late nights. Food. Smiles and laughter. Family. Friends. Funny. My posts began with what happened in my life. Like oh, I went for a BBQ with Denzel and family. I went to the City. I had fun. Stuff like that. Then, this year came, and I had all these thoughts and I needed to rant somewhere. So that place was here. This year, I changed a whole lot. At least I think so. I might not seem any different, but everything just feels different. I'm going throught... Ugh. I don't wanna say it. The P word. Puberty. AAAAAAAAK. ok, I said it. The last... Semester was kinda hard. But somehow, I got through it. And I'm hoping its over. But there's always that nagging fear that next year might be the same. BUT I will be optimistic. Besides, what's the use of thinking about the future. There are enough worries in the present, right? Well, not many worries for me. Not right now at least. This weeks been fun filled. What with Christmas Eve dinner with all extended family, Christmas dinner with friends, Tessa's birthday. But, I haven't seen school friends at all. And I can't plan any thing because they're ALL GONE. Well, gone overseas... Maybe they wouldn't even wanna see me if they were here. Scratch that. Hey, I can't help it if that thought comes to mind. Yeeesh. I really need to stop complaining. It's bad for my health. lol. Right now, the only thing bugging me, other than the above, is that I have massive eyebags. From not sleeping enough. But if that's the price of happiness, I'm happy to pay up. It's been too long since I've laughed to hard and talked so much. I really needed this holiday and it's doing wonders. Don't burst my bubble. It might burst when holidays end, but for now, I'm happy. Erica

My FAMILY

I'm back from a fantastic week of beach with family. It was 'Family Bonding' time. I guess I learnt something more about them. Here's just a a few. James: Can go to sleep scarily fast. He was talking with us one second, and he was asleep the next. And he was actually snoring. LOL Andrew: Is a freak who is not ticklish AT ALL. He has absolutely NO weak spots... Leesh: She's really easy to talk to about random stuff. We spent like an hour talking about One Tree Hill and contacts while everyone else was asleep. Jonathan: Can be not annoying and nice when he wants to. Tessa: Is a really great sister sometimes. She does say the right things at the right time. And she has too much influence over me. I need to be less influenced by her. Steve: Would make a good big brother. He gives me piggy-backs. Jason: Is really funny sometimes. But he tickle tortures me A LOT. And he looks OLD when he wore his Woolworth's work clothes. Flo: Loves her dog. Good company and fun. Keira (Niece): Is gonna grow up really pretty and fun. Give great hugs. Brodie (Nephew): Loves his cap. Elle: Is very responsible and makes YUMMY pancakes. I think I've covered most of it. Yeap, I love my family. Most are my cousins and some are my siblings, but I just put it down in the order they came to my head. I'll tell you about the Merimbula Holidays some other time. Maybe. Happy, comfortable, satisfied. Erica

Summary of Me?

The holidays have FINALLY begun. And I'll be spending a whole week with extended family at some beach place called Merimbula. Yes, I'm excited. I might not seem it, as you can see, I'm not typing in caps. But that's just because I'm not as excited at this exact moment. I'm, yet again, in one of those thoughtful moods. Which isn't always good. So here's a summary of me. I'm the type of girl who like being left alone at home. To read. And by left alone, it means that people are in the house, but they're doing whatever they're doing. But then, I also like to be talked to. And feel needed. (dependant much?) I'm overly dependant on what other people think of me. And sometimes, I really hate that part of me. I'm extremely bad at talking about unshallow things. Umm. That sounds bad. More like I'm horrible at anything other than small talk. And it's weird... When I try to, somehow, it comes out forced, awkward and unnatural. So then, I don't try again. If anyone could read my mind, I don't think they would think I was a very nice person. But hey, I'm trying. I have a passion for fooddddd. Sometimes, me talking about my passion can bore people. Sorry, but that's just me. I'm out of ideas. And time. Erica

A Patchy Post

Dear person-who-will-listen-and-not-judge-what-i'm-about-to-say, I need a best friend. Okay, fine. I don't need one. I want one. I know, what a weird wish. And it's one of the things you can't just get. You can't just get someone who you can act totally yourself with, and not feel like you have to be funny or say the right thing or be the person who you think they want you to be. Like family, only not. Because you can rave about you family to them. AND someone who would find YOU interesting as much as you find THEM interesting. And would talk to you as well. Like I said, kinda hard to get. Unlike some biscuits in the pantry right now. Isn't it just like me to want something that isn't normal? Know what else I need? A week without my brother throwing another of his unbearable tantrums. The only reason that I am physically and mentally able to bear with them, is because of the sanctuary of my mind. In which I can scream till my throat is soar, and say whatever I want to say without anyone thinking about what a bad person I am for thinking that about him. (No, there are no swear words included) But mostly, I just want to say, "CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FREAKING SHUT UP?" But I don't think that's gonna be a great help and it'll probably just make everything worse... If I ever voiced my thoughts out loud, I just KNOW that it'll mkae things worse. Enough with the badness. Bright side. Bright side. I have heaps of totally great friends who are fun to be with, though they aren't my best friends. It's nearly the end of school so I won't really care that I don't have a best friend. Hello, it's the HOLIDAYS! A week with extended family, which will be great. And then, time to do whatever I want. And then a new year to look forward to. I hope. Awwwww, did Ms O HAVE to split everyone up? Crossing my fingers for next year, Omg, that's only like a month away. That is pretty scary. Erica