A Much Needed Holiday

MERRY belated CHRISTMASS!!! Late nights. Food. Smiles and laughter. Family. Friends. Funny. My posts began with what happened in my life. Like oh, I went for a BBQ with Denzel and family. I went to the City. I had fun. Stuff like that. Then, this year came, and I had all these thoughts and I needed to rant somewhere. So that place was here. This year, I changed a whole lot. At least I think so. I might not seem any different, but everything just feels different. I'm going throught... Ugh. I don't wanna say it. The P word. Puberty. AAAAAAAAK. ok, I said it. The last... Semester was kinda hard. But somehow, I got through it. And I'm hoping its over. But there's always that nagging fear that next year might be the same. BUT I will be optimistic. Besides, what's the use of thinking about the future. There are enough worries in the present, right? Well, not many worries for me. Not right now at least. This weeks been fun filled. What with Christmas Eve dinner with all extended family, Christmas dinner with friends, Tessa's birthday. But, I haven't seen school friends at all. And I can't plan any thing because they're ALL GONE. Well, gone overseas... Maybe they wouldn't even wanna see me if they were here. Scratch that. Hey, I can't help it if that thought comes to mind. Yeeesh. I really need to stop complaining. It's bad for my health. lol. Right now, the only thing bugging me, other than the above, is that I have massive eyebags. From not sleeping enough. But if that's the price of happiness, I'm happy to pay up. It's been too long since I've laughed to hard and talked so much. I really needed this holiday and it's doing wonders. Don't burst my bubble. It might burst when holidays end, but for now, I'm happy. Erica

My FAMILY

I'm back from a fantastic week of beach with family. It was 'Family Bonding' time. I guess I learnt something more about them. Here's just a a few. James: Can go to sleep scarily fast. He was talking with us one second, and he was asleep the next. And he was actually snoring. LOL Andrew: Is a freak who is not ticklish AT ALL. He has absolutely NO weak spots... Leesh: She's really easy to talk to about random stuff. We spent like an hour talking about One Tree Hill and contacts while everyone else was asleep. Jonathan: Can be not annoying and nice when he wants to. Tessa: Is a really great sister sometimes. She does say the right things at the right time. And she has too much influence over me. I need to be less influenced by her. Steve: Would make a good big brother. He gives me piggy-backs. Jason: Is really funny sometimes. But he tickle tortures me A LOT. And he looks OLD when he wore his Woolworth's work clothes. Flo: Loves her dog. Good company and fun. Keira (Niece): Is gonna grow up really pretty and fun. Give great hugs. Brodie (Nephew): Loves his cap. Elle: Is very responsible and makes YUMMY pancakes. I think I've covered most of it. Yeap, I love my family. Most are my cousins and some are my siblings, but I just put it down in the order they came to my head. I'll tell you about the Merimbula Holidays some other time. Maybe. Happy, comfortable, satisfied. Erica

Summary of Me?

The holidays have FINALLY begun. And I'll be spending a whole week with extended family at some beach place called Merimbula. Yes, I'm excited. I might not seem it, as you can see, I'm not typing in caps. But that's just because I'm not as excited at this exact moment. I'm, yet again, in one of those thoughtful moods. Which isn't always good. So here's a summary of me. I'm the type of girl who like being left alone at home. To read. And by left alone, it means that people are in the house, but they're doing whatever they're doing. But then, I also like to be talked to. And feel needed. (dependant much?) I'm overly dependant on what other people think of me. And sometimes, I really hate that part of me. I'm extremely bad at talking about unshallow things. Umm. That sounds bad. More like I'm horrible at anything other than small talk. And it's weird... When I try to, somehow, it comes out forced, awkward and unnatural. So then, I don't try again. If anyone could read my mind, I don't think they would think I was a very nice person. But hey, I'm trying. I have a passion for fooddddd. Sometimes, me talking about my passion can bore people. Sorry, but that's just me. I'm out of ideas. And time. Erica

A Patchy Post

Dear person-who-will-listen-and-not-judge-what-i'm-about-to-say, I need a best friend. Okay, fine. I don't need one. I want one. I know, what a weird wish. And it's one of the things you can't just get. You can't just get someone who you can act totally yourself with, and not feel like you have to be funny or say the right thing or be the person who you think they want you to be. Like family, only not. Because you can rave about you family to them. AND someone who would find YOU interesting as much as you find THEM interesting. And would talk to you as well. Like I said, kinda hard to get. Unlike some biscuits in the pantry right now. Isn't it just like me to want something that isn't normal? Know what else I need? A week without my brother throwing another of his unbearable tantrums. The only reason that I am physically and mentally able to bear with them, is because of the sanctuary of my mind. In which I can scream till my throat is soar, and say whatever I want to say without anyone thinking about what a bad person I am for thinking that about him. (No, there are no swear words included) But mostly, I just want to say, "CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FREAKING SHUT UP?" But I don't think that's gonna be a great help and it'll probably just make everything worse... If I ever voiced my thoughts out loud, I just KNOW that it'll mkae things worse. Enough with the badness. Bright side. Bright side. I have heaps of totally great friends who are fun to be with, though they aren't my best friends. It's nearly the end of school so I won't really care that I don't have a best friend. Hello, it's the HOLIDAYS! A week with extended family, which will be great. And then, time to do whatever I want. And then a new year to look forward to. I hope. Awwwww, did Ms O HAVE to split everyone up? Crossing my fingers for next year, Omg, that's only like a month away. That is pretty scary. Erica

Random Things About ME

Random things about me that I bet you didn't know. Or I'm sure there's some stuff you do know. In the car 1. When I don't feel like talking or anything, I pretend to sleep. 2. I like looking out of the window and into the sky. It's preeetty. Not in the car 1. I take a book everywhere. I feel somehow safer with it. So if I'm put in a situation where I'm alone, I read and don't get bored. Or look weird or like a loser because I'm sitting there alone. Doing nothing. 2. I get really scared of shows that have to do with murder and freaky stuff. But I can't tear my eyes off it. And I always feel like there's some bad guy behind me after I watch it. 3. I run really fast to get away from dark places where no one is there. Feels like someone's chasing me though I know no one really is. lol. 4. I tend to ramble a lot and people don't get what I'm talking about... At school 1. I don't think carrying Jessie's books are worth food anymore. But it's like a habit now. I hope Isabel takes over? I know she wants the food more than I do. (I know. -shock, horror-) Okay, can't think of anything right now. So I'll stop. Made it to above 7 posts. I rock. Erica

Born with a Weird kind of Disabilty

So, I HATE it when I'm like. Chicken and I can't mouth my thoughts. It's really bad. And annoying the heck out of me. I just can't seem to say things I think might offend people. But then, not saying anything offends them too. Okay, not really. I can't explain. It's like, different. My vocab isn't wide enough for me to put it into words and that's the best I can do... And you know what else I can't do? I can't angrily shout people and vent my anger to anyone but my brother and sometimes my sister. What does that say... It is REALLY annoying. You have no idea. Because I'll bet you can just say whatever you feel and the person might get angry for a while, but get over it. Ot not even care at all. Well, be grateful for it. Because for some reason, I was just born... with this disabilty to not be able to speak my mind when I'm angry. I'm like the best at holding tears in and hiding feelings. Okay, fine. Maybe they do come through a little sometimes. But only to people who know me well. Which, let me tell you, not many people do. And even then, they can't figure out why I'm feeling/acting like that. Because my mind is so complicating and I make up the silliest things that they can't comprehend. Because its so... Silly. Yes, well, that's just me. Btw, Isabel, when I say you, I mean people in general. People who are not me. MY definition is you=not Erica. Wow, I really need to sound less depressing. It's not as bad as it sounds. At least, I don't think so. Tommy

Changes Made with the Move

You know, I've changed a lot since I moved to Australia. Some changes I like, and some... Well, not so much. Of course, the obvious things changed: my accent, the words I use (awesome, u suck), never used those in Malaysia. The things I do are different. Like, I don't reread books as much because there are libraries to borrow more books from. In Malaysia, I just reread the books I already had on my shelf, there was not library to borrow books from. I also realize all the things I there that I don't have now. I appreciate stuff way more now. I think a lot more too. But I guess that might be because I'm um. Growing up. I'm listening to more music. I'm also more open. That's good. I guess. But I'm still pretty closed up. I think. Sometimes. Also, my happiness has become wayyyyy way wayyy too dependant on the people around me. That's bad, I think. And I've been trying to please everyone. Which is dumb. Cos it's not possible. In fact, trying to please everyone might be the reason people aren't pleased. If that makes sense.Now, I just need to learn to be less dependant and be joyful on my own. And not get happy or unhappy according to the things that happen. oooooooooooooookay. Oh! My English has gotten better too. If I may say so myself. AND I get to do cool arts like Ceramics and Textiles, instead of just painting. Why do are Arts plural? Erica