The 'I wishes'

I wish. I wish I wasn't so average. I wish I was extremely good at something, excelled at something. Like how Rosie's so great at sport; Like how Vicky's ever so musical; Like how Isabel's such a good writer; Like how Felicity in Year 10 (I know her from her voice) can sing so perfectly; Like how Brigid can act so well; Like how Catherine's so smart and gets A+ and is so hard working; Like how FANTASTIC the dancers in So You Think You Can Dance are. Even if it's just the auditions; Like how some people can cook and bake so well. Everything they make turns out perfect. Like my sister. I'm average in sport. I don't totally suck (well I do in some, but I can't sprint for my life. And I can play soccer, but I'm nowhere near good; I'm so lazy to practise piano that I'm terrible at it. I can play flute, but come on. Seriously?; I can write in a way that teachers like. But it's not sophisticated and interesting. And inspiring; Ugh, I can sing in tune, but that's not even all the time. Even then, it's not even a nice sounding voice that's nice to listen to; Acting? Huh. I can't act at all. Looks fake and forced; Sure, I do well sometimes. But I'm not that hard-working; I can do simple steps here and there, flail my arms a little. That's not called dancing with emotion; I make stuff here and there, but it's all simple. ANYONE could make them. And even then, I always find SOMETHING to stuff up. Okay, I would be happy with just ONE of those qualities. Like I want a 'thing'. MY 'thing'. Something that makes me me. I wish I could just be really funny and witty. I wish I could be really pretty (I know, shallow, but so what?) I wish I could be so extremely friendly and sociable and loved by all. I wish I could be the one who's great to be around, always full of interesting stuff to say. I wish I could be full of leadership quality, the one everyone looks to. A bit like how Viv is mean, yet not too mean and nice. And I don't know how, but somehow people follow her and respect her decisions. And she's always early for class. See, she has a 'thing'. I wish I could be the good listener who always know's what to say and when to say it and how much to say or not say. I wish I could be that really nice Christian girl. Even as a Christian, I suck. I haven't brought anyone to get to know God. And how awesome he is. I haven't saved anyone. Or brought them to church and have them enjoy it so much they wanna keep coming. Or even, just having such a great character that people want to know why I'm so great, so they'll know it's because I'm a Christian and blahblahblah. All because I'm too afraid I'll offend them or something. Cowardly much? Or maybe, just be a really good best friend. Like Jess is to Vic. Well, that's how I see it anyway. Or how she's always nice, when it counts. And she sticks to it. Unlike me, who tries to be nice, and succeeds sometimes. And other times, because I'm feeling selfish, and want to be like everyone, I don't do the 'nice' 'right' thing. Like I said before, cowardly much? Instead, I'm just nice, innocent Erica. Booring. Heck, I'm not even that anymore. I'm just plain Erica. Period. Yay. I so wanna be friends with plain Erica. -.- I want something that defines me. A quirky personality. Whatever. Anything's better than just being average. Okay, all this is enough to make anyone feel depressed. Trying to SNAP OUT OF IT, Erica