Written while I was supposed to be hw-ing

Hey, So, I reckon I was really smart in Year 7. No, I'm not bragging. Or well, okay, maybe I was just lucky. Idk. But whatever it was, I'm glad. The people I met, who by one way or another, became the people I can proudly call, my friends. I know, how corny is that? But seriously. We're all really sort of different people. But the same as well. Like a mixture. They make me strive to work harder, because they are just such great, smart, talented people. But, they also aren't crazy workaholics. I can actually stop and enjoy life. We have a sporty one, a freakishly musical one who still somehow manages to be super smart, a writer who's really deep and philosophical, the extremely nice one (who I compete niceness with. jooooking. or not. yes. no. maybe?) who is also smart and started a CLUB etc. Ooooh and last there's me. xD And there's Kate. So you can't say we're a group of only asians. Thanks Kate. You know, I always felt more comfortable with asians. And even more with Malaysians. Just because. But now, I can say I know a non-asian pretty well and she's pretty funny. And random. and weird. and makes me roll my eyes at her attempts to disturb me. Okay, they work. but just like. ew. no. This amazing thing happened today. I forgot my flute, and I was freaking out for my flute lesson. And... HE WASN'T THERE. He as in my flute teacher. omgsh. The last time I forgot my flute, he WASN'T THERE EITHER. Okay, so it happened the first time. Cool, lucky me. But it happened a second time. whoa. So unlikely. I'm wondering if I should go back and tag all my previous posts. Do I have that kinda time though? Maths exam next Wednesday. yay. Sick. Sniffling. But surviving, thanks for asking. :P TimTan

Scattered Thoughts

So,

I haven't blogged in a while. It's been normal. With happy days, sad days, angry days, normal days where I think too much and make it tilt on the sad day side, normal days. Nothing much really. I went to Denzel's new house yesterday night and that was fun. Because I haven't like actually seen them in ages and I guess I kinda miss 'em. School has been. Normal. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I don't have one omg-ingly close bosom (lol at that word) friend. Instead, I have a small group of people who I call my good friends. And yes, I'm quite happy.

---

--

-

Oh. Ew. It just came to my mind that I have school tomorrow. 6 more weeks. Yes I have been counting. And hm. I have realized that I am a very easily jealous person. Which is really bad. But like, how do you stop being jealous and make yourself happy for another person's successes and the good things that they have. It also links to me being grateful for what I already have. omg. Why must humans always want what they don't have? And even when they get it, they want more again. It's like this hunger that can't be satisfied. Hmm. They say this is where God comes in. There's like this God shaped void in people and people try to fill it with drugs, alcohol etc. But it doesn't work. You see, as I Christian that is always a good girl and goes to church, I know this. But it's easier said than done. Like. Oh idk. Too young to be thinking so much. lol. I'll just do what I can to live a happy life and maybe, make other people's lives happy too.

Okayy. My thoughts are really scattered today. Erica.

Crazy day

Okay, So today started with the end of music camp. I'll post the details some other time. Maybe. Anyway, so I was pretty happy, because music camp was fun but I wanted to go home. But I was dreading it as well, because I had a soccer match. And I really didn't feel like doing anything physical. But I went anyway, because if not they would be a player short. The game was fun. Except I got smashed in the face by the ball. Like right in the face. And I also was tripped over bout 3 times. I twisted my ankle though I did not feel the effects of it until I got home... And another trip caused me to end up on the ground, with my face in the dirt. And apparently, my friend said that the girl that tripped me toppled on top of me. But I was kinda too dazed and shocked to notice... Yeah, so I have a bruise on my cheek to go with the other bruises and the sprain. But it was still a good game. Though we lost by 5-4. We had a bad ref... Then, Jason was treating us to dinner. And then. Well, another incident in which I ended up in tears. Which is stupid because I hadn't cried through any of the injuries during soccer. I'm good at holding tears in. Well, I thought I was. But this... It just keeps happening. The same thing, and I try to ignore it. But I still hear it and as much as I pretend it's not there, it'll always be there. So now the smallest thing sets me off. Why can't she just STOP. freaking shut her freaking mouth and leave me alone? Then, she apologizes. But after you say sorry, aren't you supposed to stop? If you don't, then what's the point? It's just a stupid word. Say it a million times if you want, but it means nothing. Then, in the car I found out a friend at church in Malaysia's mum had passed away this morning. It came as a huge blow. What was my pain, compared to hers? What do you do when a loved one just. Leaves. Dies. Stops existing? How are you supposed to cope? Death. Something no one really wants to face. It's the unknown. What happens after? Sure, I believe in God and heaven. But is knowing that your mum is happy in heaven, does that stop the hurt? Stop the fact that they'll never come back? I can't even imagine how I would react if that happened to me. Would I cry? How long before I actually believed it was happening? Moving on. Are you supposed to do that? Or is that like forgetting. Getting over it. And there are always those doubts. What really happens after death? I'm allowed to doubt a little, right? Dear God, please help them through this. Be a comfort. Tell them it'll be okay. Crazy day, huh? Being a selfish idiot when I should be grateful. Erica

Smiling

Oh wow, Life's been really great. I know, how weird, specially since school just started. It might have something to do with it being my BIRTHDAY last Thursday. But I think that's only a little part of it. I, for one, know I've done nothing to deserve it. The best friends, the greatest family etc. Sure, there are the tiniest cracks (homework, math, arguments with my siblings), but when you look at the whole bowl? they're really nothing. Okay, so some cracks are kinda significant. Like how I was such an idiot and I went and misplaced my flute. I'm like 100% sure that I left it on the bottom floor, in the Year 9 corridor. I looked all over the place on Thursday, but couldn't find it. So from that day, until the HAPPY Monday, the burden weighed heavily on me. Although I could see how nice my friends were, following me everywhere looking for it, and how nice my mum was being, not screaming her head off at me, I was really really worried. The whole day, I would be praying like crazy, asking God to get me my flute back somehow. And then, hey, on Monday, Maths class, Period 2, I saw my flute lying on the table in the corner of the room. How the heck did it get there? No idea. But still, it was there and I was OVER the moon. Thanks God, seriously. On Sunday, it was my um. sort of b'day party. With the Sims and Mavis' family. We played Cry Wolf. It took aaggess trying to get everyone to shush up and listen, but it was fun. It was ice-cream and cake-filled, which made it all the better. Now, you really need to thank me for not going into the details which, as fun as I think it was (well sorta), you might find boring. I can't help but smile a little. Savoring this UP part in my life. Today, we spent lunchtime doing cartwheels, frog/turkey/duck jump racing o.o, shouting random things and attempting to balance on a log. I know, me and my friends, we're cool. xD Erica This post is dedicated to all the people that have made my life great. Just realized I didn't post it yesterday so I'm posting it now.

One of that happy days

A warm, snuggly feeling inside even though outside, it's cold and windy. Don't laugh. Corny, I know. But it's just one of those days when I'm at peace with well. Life, I guess. And that's pretty rare. Either I'm too busy to think, or I'm at home and have so much time to think, that well. I do what I always do, think too much. But today, somehow, for some reason, my mind or soul or whatever it is, is giving me a break. I feel contented with well. Life, I guess. lol. There are days when I'm happy for no reason, and days when I'm um. not happy for not reason. Then, there are days when there actually is something to be happy about and... Oh you get my drift. Funny how I'm feeling this way 2 days before school is starting again. Hm. School. Maybe it'll do me some good to go back and see my friends again. Get used to using my brain and actually working. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. Pointless as this post was, I guess I just want to remind myself that I actually do get good days. My life isn't as suckish as how I put it sometimes. It's gonna be a long, dreary term. How AM I gonna get through it? Cheery and warm for now.

Meh.

Sick of caring.

Dreamed Up Falsities

Figments of imagination, hallucinations, paranoid thoughts, expectations, they're all the same thing, aren't they? When you think about it? They are all just falsities dreamed up by your mind. Tricking you into believing what's not. Imagination and hallucinations appear out of nowhere. Summoned by the deep, unconscious part of your mind. Things that you thought about all the time, without knowing about it. Paranoid thoughts are put in by fear. As much as you try to bury that fear, the doubts are there. You begin to worry about non-existent things that aren't even a reality. Okay, so doubt. Let's talk about that. It gnaws at the things you aren't sure of, your insecurities. It munches on them and spits them out when there's nothing left to chew. And what are you left with? Nothing. Expectations are the better part, I guess. They are things you hope for in the future. But what if they don't happen? Then what? Sorry if this post was, like all my other posts, boring you. But I don't write for your entertainment. I really appreciate you reading my posts, but seriously, it does hurt a little when you say everything is... Boring. Thanks for you honest opinion though. I guess. Oh wow, I really need to stop wallowing in non-existent self-pity. But then, all my happy posts are more boring somehow. o.o Looking at the sky (and God) for comfort (because it IS comforting somehow) Erica