It's not over yet

What happened last year? You lost my respect. That's what happened. Why? You know why.

Contemplating God

Hi, So I'm reading this book called 'God Actually' by Roy Williams. I was in the library when I saw it sitting on the returned books shelf. You see, even though I know what I believe in, and it all works out in my head, I've always found it hard to articulate them out loud; to other people. Which is kinda what I'm meant to do as a Christian... So I thought the book would help. It has. It's very interesting and puts things into perspective. Though there are chunks that I don't understand... BUT it kinda makes me feel like an intellectual. :) And it's funny. Just when I started reading the part of the book that explains life, and the Big Bang and evolution, we happen to be learning about DNA in science. Which gives me a little more information and vocabulary to understand that chapter. It also just so happens that we are discussing this exact topic in Christian studies. And we watched a documentary about the Big Bang theory, which was pretty much what Williams was trying to explain in one of the chapters. And Williams also references Romeo & Juliet, when he's explaining how the existence of love points to God's existence. And whaddoya know, we're reading R&J in English. To an outsider perhaps, it'll probably seem like coincidences. Or maybe I'm just digging too deep and looking into things too much. But somehow, I don't think so.. Obviously God's telling me something. Whatever it is. I would recommend this book to anyone. Christian or not, it really puts things into perspective. My favourite line so far (about the Big Bang theory): 'It is absurd to complain that it is unthinkable for an admittedly unthinkable God to make everything out of nothing, and then pretend that it is more thinkable that nothing should turn itself into everything.' I'm only halfway through, but I've already learnt mountain of information. Half of which probably won't stay in my little head. But still. :) Contemplative, Erica

The Changed Me

So, I've spent a while, okay no, a long period of time, thinking. And I've come to the conclusion that I have changed for the worse in some areas.. Apparently I'm now more selfish and shallow and sensitive. What happened? Gosh. It just happened suddenly, or maybe slowly, silently so I didn't notice. How? I don't know. Why? Still don't know. What to do now? Well. Try my best to be better I guess. I always seem to be doing something wrong. I'll concentrate so hard in one area, but that'll make me miss some other important part. Help. Another thing. I really need to learn to be happy with who I am. And stop taking what people say personally (that's the being sensitve part). Because otherwise, I really don't think I have anything. As you can see, right now, there isn't much about myself that I am happy with. I'm not sure if I'm any closer to being the person I wanted to be. -.- Blah. Erica

Insecurity

Insecurity. Is like. The worst feeling in the world. Lucky for me I am not currently the victim of Insecurity's wrath. But I've been in it's grasp before and I felt horrible. Symptoms: Paranoia, feeling unloved, depression (mild to serious depending on how you cope) End result: Lowered self-esteem and the inability to trust Treatment: Time. Stop overthinking things. Look at the bright side (as hard as that may be). Immerse yourself with people who love + care for you. :)) Okay. That was lame. Contemplative. Erica OH I think I shall do some post about WHO AM I? soon. Because. Idk. Heaps of things seem to be making me think of that. For example, the topic for today's assembly was. well. WHO AM I? lol. Courtesy of Mrs Jones.

Lake Eildon Camping Trip

Okay, We went on this 3 day, 2 night camp to Lake Eildon with a massive group of church friends. I'll list all the kids/teens that went. It's a lot.. Jonathan, Tess, Cayden, Deznel, Gareth, Kendrick, Latitia, Elysia, Keesha, Eldrich, Brian, Megan, Melissa, Mavis, Michelle, Martyn, Ryan, Elina, Carine, Kevin, Daniel, Raelene and I. As you can see, a lot of us. :) Let's start with tents. There were 2 massive 9 people tents. And even our 4 man tent was pretty big. School camp deprived us.. I never even knew such huge tents existed! lol. The campsite was next to a beautiful river where I skidded a rock for the first time in my life. My best was 4!! Gareth's was 8. Gosh, he's a freak. lol. joking. Kendrick's was 6... The river was shallow and we dunked our feet into the cool, clear water whenever we felt like it; hopping across rocks to get from place to place. On the second day, SOCCER! Yes we played soccer. Though it took Megan and I about 3o minutes to finally find people who wanted to play and a flat area to do it. -.- I got about 3 shades tanner... And swimming in the pool; in which the water was kinda disgusting. Slightly murky and sour. o.o BUT I splashing around and having fun was worth it. I think. -.- Delicious bbq for dinner. :D OMGSH! The sky was so clear that night. It looked like someone had grabbed a handful of those glitter things and flung it across the sky. It was breathtaking. And you won't believe it, but I saw a shooting star. It was so sudden. There, then gone. But it was magical. That short streak of light across like a 10cm of the sky brought a smile to my face. OH and the marshmellows around the bonfire!! Michelle hired me as her personal Marshmellow burner. xP I make them perfectly brown and crispy outside, and soft and melty and fluffy oozing out from inside. That night the parents had us split into 3 groups to do skits. Erm. My group which consisted me Brian, Ryan, Jon, Mavis, Cayden and I, did the spongebob theme song. It was soo funny. Kevin and Martyn did 'Henry Chow'. They memorized the whole thing from youtube. o.o And Kendrick's group did the Lion dance as Cny is coming. He was really enthusiastic. Tess was too. hahaha. Then we all went into a tent and told jokes. A slight change from the night before, where we shared scary stories. Omgsh. the dog. dog. dog. EEEK. Kinda racist joke by Gareth A black kid went to the toilet. He had diarrhea. He looked down and shouted, 'MUM! I'm melting!' Oh yeah, we went water rafting too. :) And fishing, using earthworms as bait. Quite gross. But fishing was fun. :D Denzel tried casting, but when he swung the rod back, it got stuck on the thorn bushes.. I had to, while ow-ing, reach in and slowly untangle it. I have these tiny specks and cuts of red on my legs now. lol. But it's okay. It was fun. xP Heaps of random singing and music playing too. Well, time to move on. School on Tuesday... Tommy

A Nice Memory To-be

So, Today was fun. :) We went over to the Sim's house for swimming. It was freezing. Like. COLD. But it was still fun. It was pretty much just random fooling around, shooting people with water guns and splashing. But idk, I haven't done much of that lately. It made me feel like a kid again. lol. ish. OH. And I found out that they have a lot of spiders near their pool... There was a huge huntsman I think, near the bushes. o.o Ugh. Hate spiders. And like, the noodle, we left it at the side of the pool for a while, and when we looked back, there were about 10 small spiders crawling around it... EW. And then I heard a story that a palm sized spider had jumped onto Denzel's back. And I got kinda freaked. So I was cold, wet and freaked. hahaha. Fun. Oh this reminded me of this: At Uncle Alvin's house, we saw a big huntsman (that's how I knew the other one was a huntsman. They looked the same) at the back of their fridge. Us (me and Tess): UNCLE ALVIN! There's a huge spider over there!! *points* Uncle Alvin: So? *shrugs and does nothing* Us: WHAT? Aren't you gonna do anything about it? Uncle Alvin: No.. o.o What do you expect me to do about it? o.o Us: IDK! Kill it? Bring it outside? Anything?! *stares at spider, terrified* Uncle Alvin: Nope. It's not gonna hurt us. Us: Is it poisonous? Uncle Alvin: Nope. But their bites really hurt because they have big fangs. Us: o.o *speechless* -runs away- OMGSH! Who does that? I wouldn't be able to survive knowing that there was a spider lose somewhere in the house. What if it crawled on me when I was sleeping?!??! Okay, continuing. We took 1 minute showers, ate pizza, played Brawl on wii, mario kart, played guns (as we always do, hey. sounds immature but its fun. srsly) aaand played some soccer. :D Oh and I beat Kendrick in Tap tap. :) And I got to hug Cayden's Bolsty. Though he said I kinda squished it when I sat on it.. hehe. Oh and I went on msn and talked to Isabel for the first time in ages because I haven't been on msn in ages. :P And I played neopets a little. o.o Erica

A few of the billions of thoughts running through my head.

Great. I'm becoming a horrible judgemental person. I miss my cousins. Why can't well all be young and innocent and not spiteful and pure and happy again? I want to go back to the time when I didn't ask questions and just took things the way they were without overthinking everything. I want to be that little girl who got along with her siblings. Although according to my sister, that wasn't even a reality. Apparently we still fought heaps. And the only reason we fight more now is because I developed a brain and a voice and feelings. Okay, fine. I'll even be happy to go back to then. When I was too ignorant to see this and was happy. Feelings complicate things. So I'll just harden my heart till I don't feel anymore. That makes sense right? Sure there's no love or joy but there's no hatred or sadness either is there? Just neutralness. That works, right? Blah, Erica