Smiling

Oh wow, Life's been really great. I know, how weird, specially since school just started. It might have something to do with it being my BIRTHDAY last Thursday. But I think that's only a little part of it. I, for one, know I've done nothing to deserve it. The best friends, the greatest family etc. Sure, there are the tiniest cracks (homework, math, arguments with my siblings), but when you look at the whole bowl? they're really nothing. Okay, so some cracks are kinda significant. Like how I was such an idiot and I went and misplaced my flute. I'm like 100% sure that I left it on the bottom floor, in the Year 9 corridor. I looked all over the place on Thursday, but couldn't find it. So from that day, until the HAPPY Monday, the burden weighed heavily on me. Although I could see how nice my friends were, following me everywhere looking for it, and how nice my mum was being, not screaming her head off at me, I was really really worried. The whole day, I would be praying like crazy, asking God to get me my flute back somehow. And then, hey, on Monday, Maths class, Period 2, I saw my flute lying on the table in the corner of the room. How the heck did it get there? No idea. But still, it was there and I was OVER the moon. Thanks God, seriously. On Sunday, it was my um. sort of b'day party. With the Sims and Mavis' family. We played Cry Wolf. It took aaggess trying to get everyone to shush up and listen, but it was fun. It was ice-cream and cake-filled, which made it all the better. Now, you really need to thank me for not going into the details which, as fun as I think it was (well sorta), you might find boring. I can't help but smile a little. Savoring this UP part in my life. Today, we spent lunchtime doing cartwheels, frog/turkey/duck jump racing o.o, shouting random things and attempting to balance on a log. I know, me and my friends, we're cool. xD Erica This post is dedicated to all the people that have made my life great. Just realized I didn't post it yesterday so I'm posting it now.

One of that happy days

A warm, snuggly feeling inside even though outside, it's cold and windy. Don't laugh. Corny, I know. But it's just one of those days when I'm at peace with well. Life, I guess. And that's pretty rare. Either I'm too busy to think, or I'm at home and have so much time to think, that well. I do what I always do, think too much. But today, somehow, for some reason, my mind or soul or whatever it is, is giving me a break. I feel contented with well. Life, I guess. lol. There are days when I'm happy for no reason, and days when I'm um. not happy for not reason. Then, there are days when there actually is something to be happy about and... Oh you get my drift. Funny how I'm feeling this way 2 days before school is starting again. Hm. School. Maybe it'll do me some good to go back and see my friends again. Get used to using my brain and actually working. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. Pointless as this post was, I guess I just want to remind myself that I actually do get good days. My life isn't as suckish as how I put it sometimes. It's gonna be a long, dreary term. How AM I gonna get through it? Cheery and warm for now.

Meh.

Sick of caring.

Dreamed Up Falsities

Figments of imagination, hallucinations, paranoid thoughts, expectations, they're all the same thing, aren't they? When you think about it? They are all just falsities dreamed up by your mind. Tricking you into believing what's not. Imagination and hallucinations appear out of nowhere. Summoned by the deep, unconscious part of your mind. Things that you thought about all the time, without knowing about it. Paranoid thoughts are put in by fear. As much as you try to bury that fear, the doubts are there. You begin to worry about non-existent things that aren't even a reality. Okay, so doubt. Let's talk about that. It gnaws at the things you aren't sure of, your insecurities. It munches on them and spits them out when there's nothing left to chew. And what are you left with? Nothing. Expectations are the better part, I guess. They are things you hope for in the future. But what if they don't happen? Then what? Sorry if this post was, like all my other posts, boring you. But I don't write for your entertainment. I really appreciate you reading my posts, but seriously, it does hurt a little when you say everything is... Boring. Thanks for you honest opinion though. I guess. Oh wow, I really need to stop wallowing in non-existent self-pity. But then, all my happy posts are more boring somehow. o.o Looking at the sky (and God) for comfort (because it IS comforting somehow) Erica

Pick One.

Pick one.

The one who acts like they don't care. They don't.

The one who acts like they don't care. They do.

The one who is straightforward and says it to your face. The one that is persistent. A good thing, but not always.

The one who smiles and laughs. The actor.

The one who is genuinely joyful.

The easy-going, care-free one. The one that has a child-like innocence.

The forever loyal friend.

The one that is effortlessly loved by all.

The one everyone follows.

The follower.

The one who tries too hard.

The one that doesn't try at all.

Minds, Thoughts, Emotions

So, Ever wish you could read people's minds? Or maybe just one important person's. You would know who to trust or whether the person you liked liked you back or how to please someone or understand how the mind's of other people work or whether you're really the only one in the universe who thought of things in that way or just to KNOW how other people saw you. Or if they saw you at all. Perhaps knowing how people felt would be enough. You can tell a lot from emotions. And sometimes, just sometimes, I would wish that others could read my mind as well. Most of the time, that's no where near true. I really don't think I'd be liked if some of my thoughts were read. But still, it would mean no more secrets. And others would, well, fully understand. Everything is just placed out to be seen. There would be nothing left to hide. Again, you would know exactly who you could trust. And now, you tell me that it's possible. All I have to do is open my mouth, and 'Say what I need to say' (song). Easier said that done. Believe me, it's hard. I wouldn't know where to start, or how people would react. I'd just be. Stuck. But then, I really should be thankful. Grateful. For an awesome family (most of the time) and great, supportive friends. But hey, I can dream can't I? Wishful and wondering Erica

Just stop.

Shut up. Please, just shut up.

I can hear you, you know that, right? Tears are streaming down my face, and you just go on and on and on. Just stop. Please. And leave me alone. It doesn't have anything ANYTHING to do with you. So just please please stop it. You can't have any idea how much it affects me. So I'm asking you, begging you to leave me alone.

It's like you're trying to make me hate you. Do you really want that? I don't. I don't. Really truly don't. Every word you say hurts. I can feel it sounding in my head. It's gonna make everything worse. So just STOP. You don't understand, you can't. So I'm just telling you to leave me alone.

I can't keep forgiving and forgiving. One day, I'm going to get SO sick of it, I'll just stop. And then, the damage will be done. Irreversible. Do you want that? I don't. I already told you, I don't. I just want it all to stop. You have a freaking problem, I know. But just leave me freaking out of it. It has NOTHING to do with me.

Tearful and puffy-eyed.

Me