I think I think too much

The LAST day of Term 3 of Year 8 of 2009 of PLC in Melbourne is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!! It will never come again. Let us spend a few moments reflecting. Ok, ew, we do enof reflecting in school. haha. I promised I would post more often (at least I think I promised...), and I will try really hard to keep that promise which i might and might not have made. I will get serious now. I'm sort of hoping Isabel won't read this because she'll probs think I'm silly, which she often does already... But she probs will still read it... Oh well, I guess I won't mind that much. I'm only singling her out cos I think she's the only one who actually reads this. So, have you ever felt like excluded? Well, no, that's no the word. This is hard to explain. I don't know if people can see it, but I try unbelievably hard to become someone likable. Someone who is lovable and easy to talk to, fun to be with, loyal, un-annoying etc. Someone with a strong character and an interesting personality. Someone who made a difference to people. Like a good Christian, I guess... Or like the people in movies. I keep shaping myself to be that 'perfect' person, but somehow, it doesn't work. I know I'm probably thinking too much, but somehow, I'm not and will never be 'totally' part of the friendship group I'm in now. I've told Bell this once, in Math, and she brushed it off, and saying I had this in common and blablabla. I believed her at that time, but I just don't know. All my friends are awesome and they're really nice and stuff but well... somehow, I don't fit perfectly. I get really scared sometimes that people won't care if I left. See, there's Jess and Vic, who are besties and have been friends since forever, and have heaps of memories together. Then there's Mango, Isabel and Viv. Glendol people. Viv and Isabel always seem really close, and they like whisper to each other during lunch. Kate's always talking to Isabel too. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm jealous. Just a little. And somehow Jess also talks to Isabel and Viv and they have they're own conversations. I don't know what about. Still slightly jealous. I kno I'm being silly, but still. It's not my fault I feel this way, is it? Will I ever actually feel like I belong though? I did in Malaysia... But I was younger then. Ugh, I wish I was a little girl again. Life was less complicated. I think I think too much Tommy Tim Tan