Needing Normality

Seriously? Are you freaking serious? Gosh. Okay. I need to organize my thoughts. Nothing is making sense anymore. Nothing. Everyone in my life right now is completely psycho. I need to get away. I can't do this anymore. Just UGH. What is WRONG with everybody? I am so sick of all of it. Just go away. Please. I can't take it. Why? Why can't you just be normal? Sure, you think I'm the one with issues. Gosh, how can you be so freaking blind? I'm not freaking perfect. I admit it. What more do you want from me? Oh, so you can just go act like the world is against you. Like you're the victim. I don't want it to be like this. Why can't everything just go back to the way it used to be? I don't want broken relationships that go beyond mending. But it's too hard. OH MY GOSH. How much frustration can a single person hold? Dear God, help me forgive. Dear God, forgive me. Dear God, help. please. I really really need your help. I'm trying my best, but it's not good enough. Erica.

Bright Stars

So, I haven't been posting in a while.. And I thought I should get on with it. Today was more interesting than usual. We had this 'Bright Stars' program, so no classes! :) This feminist, Dura Dara spoke to start off the day. She was quite inspiring and she told us about loving ourselves and just being content with what we had and who we were. And to negotiate what we wanted. Then we had Yoga. It was pretty much just a lot of breathing and some movements. We did the tree! Like in Wii Fit. :P OH and they gave us free recess. The fruits were really nice. Isabel loved the pineapples. And this muesli thing with heaps of chocolate chips. :D Kate loved them. haha. Next was Laughter Therapy, which was my favourite session, I guess. This lady told us about how laughing was the second best thing for our health, after breathing... Did you know smiling sends 'happy' signals to your brain? So you can actually TRICK it into thinking you're happy. Interesting. And we're supposed to laugh 15 minutes a day. Gosh that's a hard task.. We did more breathing and stretching here too. Mindfulness. 5o minutes of breathing. And tapping yourself all around you body. And sitting... I got slightly bored, but I guess it would be good for de-stressing. Psychology! Well, they talked more about the university course than the actual subject. But I guess I learnt a little more. I have to do 6 years of uni to become a fully qualified psychologist. -.- I might as well do medicine. Sigh. SO, I think my brain got like. triple the amount of oxygen it usually gets after all that breathing... We got showbags! With no lollies. But with free shampoo. Because that has everything to do with Swinburn university.. Thoughtful, Me.

It's not over yet

What happened last year? You lost my respect. That's what happened. Why? You know why.

Contemplating God

Hi, So I'm reading this book called 'God Actually' by Roy Williams. I was in the library when I saw it sitting on the returned books shelf. You see, even though I know what I believe in, and it all works out in my head, I've always found it hard to articulate them out loud; to other people. Which is kinda what I'm meant to do as a Christian... So I thought the book would help. It has. It's very interesting and puts things into perspective. Though there are chunks that I don't understand... BUT it kinda makes me feel like an intellectual. :) And it's funny. Just when I started reading the part of the book that explains life, and the Big Bang and evolution, we happen to be learning about DNA in science. Which gives me a little more information and vocabulary to understand that chapter. It also just so happens that we are discussing this exact topic in Christian studies. And we watched a documentary about the Big Bang theory, which was pretty much what Williams was trying to explain in one of the chapters. And Williams also references Romeo & Juliet, when he's explaining how the existence of love points to God's existence. And whaddoya know, we're reading R&J in English. To an outsider perhaps, it'll probably seem like coincidences. Or maybe I'm just digging too deep and looking into things too much. But somehow, I don't think so.. Obviously God's telling me something. Whatever it is. I would recommend this book to anyone. Christian or not, it really puts things into perspective. My favourite line so far (about the Big Bang theory): 'It is absurd to complain that it is unthinkable for an admittedly unthinkable God to make everything out of nothing, and then pretend that it is more thinkable that nothing should turn itself into everything.' I'm only halfway through, but I've already learnt mountain of information. Half of which probably won't stay in my little head. But still. :) Contemplative, Erica

The Changed Me

So, I've spent a while, okay no, a long period of time, thinking. And I've come to the conclusion that I have changed for the worse in some areas.. Apparently I'm now more selfish and shallow and sensitive. What happened? Gosh. It just happened suddenly, or maybe slowly, silently so I didn't notice. How? I don't know. Why? Still don't know. What to do now? Well. Try my best to be better I guess. I always seem to be doing something wrong. I'll concentrate so hard in one area, but that'll make me miss some other important part. Help. Another thing. I really need to learn to be happy with who I am. And stop taking what people say personally (that's the being sensitve part). Because otherwise, I really don't think I have anything. As you can see, right now, there isn't much about myself that I am happy with. I'm not sure if I'm any closer to being the person I wanted to be. -.- Blah. Erica

Insecurity

Insecurity. Is like. The worst feeling in the world. Lucky for me I am not currently the victim of Insecurity's wrath. But I've been in it's grasp before and I felt horrible. Symptoms: Paranoia, feeling unloved, depression (mild to serious depending on how you cope) End result: Lowered self-esteem and the inability to trust Treatment: Time. Stop overthinking things. Look at the bright side (as hard as that may be). Immerse yourself with people who love + care for you. :)) Okay. That was lame. Contemplative. Erica OH I think I shall do some post about WHO AM I? soon. Because. Idk. Heaps of things seem to be making me think of that. For example, the topic for today's assembly was. well. WHO AM I? lol. Courtesy of Mrs Jones.

Lake Eildon Camping Trip

Okay, We went on this 3 day, 2 night camp to Lake Eildon with a massive group of church friends. I'll list all the kids/teens that went. It's a lot.. Jonathan, Tess, Cayden, Deznel, Gareth, Kendrick, Latitia, Elysia, Keesha, Eldrich, Brian, Megan, Melissa, Mavis, Michelle, Martyn, Ryan, Elina, Carine, Kevin, Daniel, Raelene and I. As you can see, a lot of us. :) Let's start with tents. There were 2 massive 9 people tents. And even our 4 man tent was pretty big. School camp deprived us.. I never even knew such huge tents existed! lol. The campsite was next to a beautiful river where I skidded a rock for the first time in my life. My best was 4!! Gareth's was 8. Gosh, he's a freak. lol. joking. Kendrick's was 6... The river was shallow and we dunked our feet into the cool, clear water whenever we felt like it; hopping across rocks to get from place to place. On the second day, SOCCER! Yes we played soccer. Though it took Megan and I about 3o minutes to finally find people who wanted to play and a flat area to do it. -.- I got about 3 shades tanner... And swimming in the pool; in which the water was kinda disgusting. Slightly murky and sour. o.o BUT I splashing around and having fun was worth it. I think. -.- Delicious bbq for dinner. :D OMGSH! The sky was so clear that night. It looked like someone had grabbed a handful of those glitter things and flung it across the sky. It was breathtaking. And you won't believe it, but I saw a shooting star. It was so sudden. There, then gone. But it was magical. That short streak of light across like a 10cm of the sky brought a smile to my face. OH and the marshmellows around the bonfire!! Michelle hired me as her personal Marshmellow burner. xP I make them perfectly brown and crispy outside, and soft and melty and fluffy oozing out from inside. That night the parents had us split into 3 groups to do skits. Erm. My group which consisted me Brian, Ryan, Jon, Mavis, Cayden and I, did the spongebob theme song. It was soo funny. Kevin and Martyn did 'Henry Chow'. They memorized the whole thing from youtube. o.o And Kendrick's group did the Lion dance as Cny is coming. He was really enthusiastic. Tess was too. hahaha. Then we all went into a tent and told jokes. A slight change from the night before, where we shared scary stories. Omgsh. the dog. dog. dog. EEEK. Kinda racist joke by Gareth A black kid went to the toilet. He had diarrhea. He looked down and shouted, 'MUM! I'm melting!' Oh yeah, we went water rafting too. :) And fishing, using earthworms as bait. Quite gross. But fishing was fun. :D Denzel tried casting, but when he swung the rod back, it got stuck on the thorn bushes.. I had to, while ow-ing, reach in and slowly untangle it. I have these tiny specks and cuts of red on my legs now. lol. But it's okay. It was fun. xP Heaps of random singing and music playing too. Well, time to move on. School on Tuesday... Tommy